(Paperback)

Though happy enough with his lot, Michael Simkins has never truly shaken the nagging doubt - helpfully upheld by his partner Julia - that he somehow lacks worldly sophistication.

(Paperback)

It's a journey that begins in May in light drizzle at the birthplace of cricket, takes in the burial site of his favourite ground (now a Marks & Spencer) and even stops along the way to flirt with the love child of WG Grace and Kerry Katona that is Twenty20.

(Paperback)

(Paperback)

(Paperback)

It is a life marked by occasional hard-fought successes and routine helpings of ritual humiliation: scout hut Gilbert and Sullivan, dodgy rock operas, sewage farm theatre workshop, Christmas panto hell, straight-to-video film flops, leading roles in Crimewatch reconstructions and dressing up as a chicken to advertise TV dinners.

(Paperback)

A fat boy with a passion for sweets and a loathing for games, the young Michael Simkins finds in cricket a sport where size doesn't necessarily matter and a full-blown obsession is born.

(Paperback)

Covering everything from learning your lines to tilting for Oscar success in Hollywood, surviving a flop, to why its advisable to read the whole script if you wish to avoid improper relations with a pig, its the ultimate survival guide for anyone contemplating a life in showbiz.

'Throw out An Actor Prepares!