How Do You Feel: One Doctor's Search for Humanity in Medicine

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A poignant and thought-provoking memoir following one psychiatrist and four of her patients as they deal with the unspoken mental and physical costs of caring for othersperfect for fans ofMaybe You Should Talk to SomeoneandThe In-Between.

For Dr. Jessi Gold, everything was absolutely fineuntil it suddenly wasnt. As an assistant professor, practicing psychiatrist, university wellness leader, regular media expert, and dedicated friend and family member, Jessi was used to being constantly busy. After all, peopleher patients, colleagues, and loved onesneeded her, so who was she to say no to any opportunity to help, be that an extra therapy session, corporate wellness talk, or favor for a friend. She was a doctor, trained to serve, to put the needs of others before her own. But when Jessi is so mentally overwhelmed that she commits an unthinkable error during a patient session, shes forced to reevaluate everything that the medical system has taught her.

While reassessing her own complex relationship to the health-care industry, Jessi begins to examine it through the eyes of some of her healthcare worker patientsa thirty-something resident with OCD, a pregnant nurse suffering from PTSD, an aspiring medical student with crippling test anxiety, and an experienced ER physician who feels completely overwhelmed. In their discussions of burnout, perfectionism, empathy, and the emotional burden of working in health care, and through her own personal therapy sessions, Jessi recognizes that she is not alone in struggling to maintain her humanity, in a field that she chose because of its humanity in the first place.

Expertly weaving research expertise with unforgettable stories and raw emotion,How Do You Feeldemonstrates the unbridled capacity that we as humans have for connecting, learning, and growing. At once deeply personal, but also utterly universal, it reminds us all that when caring for others, we first have to remember to care for ourselves.

Reviews

"How Do You Feelis a thought-provoking exploration of healing and compassion in the face of adversity.Guided by Dr. Golds keen insight and sharp writing, we are afforded a rare glimpse into psychiatrys inner sanctum. Dr. Gold has an extraordinary understanding of the human condition, and her empathy emanates from the pages. A must-read."Jen Gunter, MD,New York Timesbestselling author of The Menopause ManifestoandThe Vagina Bible
"InHow Do You Feel Jessi Gold, M.D., opens a compassionate, intelligent portal into the lives of the healthcare workers struggling withtheir own mental health. Gold's deep-dive into the human psyches of those who serve others in the healthcare industry illuminates how difficult it is for the helpers among us to get help for themselves. With the perfect blend of stories from her practice, science, and personal narrative, Gold sheds light on the price healthcare workers pay for neglecting themselves and breaks through the stigma that keeps so many of them silent. This book is a salve for anyone facing burnout in any field, and Gold is the best kind of guide: warm, witty, and genuinely invested in other people's lives. " Christie Tate, New York Timesbestselling author of Group
"How Do You Feel is a compelling, courageous, and portrait of a psychiatrist. I've never read such an open-hearted and honest account of what it takes to work in mental health care today. This is an ode to the art of clinical carea paean to empathy. Jessi Gold is a true healer and this book is a gift."Susannah Cahalan, New York Times bestselling author of Brain on Fire
In this honest, wise, and heart-filled memoir, Jessi Gold reveals what it takes to retain the humanity that medicine so often forces doctors to set aside, and what it means to help yourself while helping others. I loved this book, both as a journalist who has tried to provide a similar kind of service and as a patient who has sought help from therapy." Ed Yong, Pulitzer-Prize winning author of An Immense World
If youve ever said Im fine when you werent. If youve ever been so many things to so many people that you became unavailable to yourself. If youve ever believed you were too much, not nearly enough, or somehow, inexplicably, both at once. This book is for you. Forus.Jessi GoldsHow Do You Feelis one of the most human, most reassuring books Ive ever read about the intersection of mental health, work, medicine, and culture. What a gift. MaggieSmith,New York Timesbestselling author ofYou Could Make This Place Beautiful
This book will make you laugh, marvel, reflect and grow. Most of all, it will make you feel seen.Whether youre a healthcare worker, someone who loves one, someone who sees one, or someone who is struggling, Dr. Jessi Golds words and the many intimate stories here, including her own will be a balm and a guide.Lucy Kalanithi, MD, Clinical associate Professor of medicine, Stanford university, and widow of Dr. Paul Kalanithi, author of When Breath Becomes Air
"In How Do You Feel, Dr. Gold manages the seemingly impossible. She gently brings healthcare workers into conversation with our sometimes complicated inner worlds, and does this with wisdom, humor and candor. She lovingly nudges us to awareness and acknowledgement of the immense emotional load weve carried and holds space for our collective reflection. Ultimately she calls on us to do the most radical thing imaginable: to care for ourselves even as we care for others. A true game-changer, moving conversations about caregiver mental health into an exciting, new and generative space." Rana Awdish, MS MD Author of In Shock

Author Bio

Psychiatrist Jessi Gold, MD, MS, is the Chief Wellness Officer of the University of Tennessee System and an associate professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Tennessee Health Science Center. She is a fierce mental health advocate and highly sought-after expert in the media on everything from burnout to celebrity self-disclosure. Dr. Gold has written widely for the popular press, including for The New York Times, The Atlantic, InStyle, Slate, and Self. In her clinical practice, she sees health care workers, trainees, and young adults in college. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania (with a degree in anthropology), the Yale School of Medicine, and the Stanford University Department of Psychiatry, she spends her free time traveling with her friends, watching live music (especially Taylor Swift) or mindless television, and on walks with her dog, Winnie. Find her on X, Instagram, TikTok, or Threads @DrJessiGold.