I'm Perfect, You're Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing

(Paperback)

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Description

Raised as a Jehovahs Witness, Kyria Abrahamss childhood was haunted by the knowledge that her neighbors and schoolmates were doomed to die in an imminent fiery catastrophe; that Smurfs were evil; that just about anything you could buy at a yard sale was infested by demons; and that Ouija boardseven if they were manufactured by Parker Brotherswere portals to hell. .

When Kyria turned eighteen, she found herself married to a man she didnt love, with adultery her only way out. Disfellowshipped and exiled from the only world shed ever known, Kyria realized that the only people who could save her were the very sinners she had prayed would be smitten by Gods wrath. Written with scorching wit and deep compassion, Im Perfect, Youre Doomed manages to be hilarious about the ironic absurdity of growing up believing that nothing matters because everythings about to be destroyed..

Reviews

"Kyria Abrahams, former teen bride of a doomsday cult and seeker of salvation in slam poetry, tells the terribly funny story of her improbable life with candor, wit, and an unsparing eye for the perfect detail. Brilliant." -- Janice Erlbaum, author of Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir
"The funniest book I've ever read by a disfellowshipped Jehovah's Witness from Pawtucket. Very funny. Very, very funny. Very, very, very funny." -- Janeane Garofalo
"Amazingly vivid and profoundly compelling. Twisted, touching, absurd, hilarious, and honest. A new kind of memoir." -- Wendy Spero, author of Microthrills
"Kyria Abrahams can do the 'coming-of-age in a sea of eternal hellfire' story like nobody else. Her tale of an adolescence in the ranks of the Jehovah's Witnesses is irresistible, thanks to her hilarious, sweet, and knowing narrator." -- Bob Powers, author of Happy Cruelty Day!
"Miraculous...hilarious....Simultaneously affectionate and aware, Kyria recounts a childhood and young womanhood that at once seems completely universal and breathtakingly bizarre." -- Adam Felber, author of Schrdinger's Ball and panelist on NPR's "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!"
"This acerbic, witty memoir chronicles the first 23 years of Abraham's life with candor and a good dose of comedy." -- Publishers Weekly
"A natural writer whose prose flows effortlessly as she easily mixes throwaway humor and painful memories in a compelling narrative." -- Booklist
"Undoubtedly the cleverest lapsed Jehovah's Witness yet, Abrahams offers a graphic, mordant, wickedly distaff take on her life." -- Kirkus
"Hilarious, raw, and touching...Abrahams emerged to write about her experience in an honest, funny, and somehow relatable way." -- The Comedians
"Abrahams provides readers with a profound anecdotal look of growing up as a Jehovah Witness" -- Harriet Klausner, Genre Go Round

Author Bio

Kyria Abrahams was a regular columnist for Jest Magazine for several years, where she was featured alongside performers and writers from The Daily Show and Chappelles Show. As a standup comic, Comedy Central twice selected her as one of ten semi-finalists for the Boston Laugh Riots Competition. She has also been a repeat performer at alternative comedy shows like "Eating It" and "Invite them Up," as well as literary readings like "How to Kick People"--each of them places where the likes of Jon Stewart, Janeane Garafalo, Patton Oswalt, Fred Armisen, and David Cross have appeared. Raised in Providence, Rhode Island she now lives in Queens, New York.