Breaking Awake: My Search For A New Life Through Drugs

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Six years ago, I woke up shaking in a hotel room with my sense of reality shattered. Colours were distorted, the walls seemed to breathe and shadows felt like threats. I thought I was going to die. This marked the beginning of a year-long mental breakdown. Nothing worked not antidepressants, not therapy, not yoga. I was too far gone until I wasnt.

This is the story of my journey from the brink of suicide to a semblance of stability, purpose and, crucially, hope. I only got here through figuring it out in my own way through a combination of major life changes, forays into psychopharmaceuticals and research into the myriad factors that were causing me, and so many others, so much pain.

Together we will fall into our own rabbit holes, deep into the brain and deep into the darkest parts of our society, where we can finally illuminate the wounds most affecting us. We will discover the alienated young people living online without real-world connections; we will meet hallucinogen-takers at a ketamine clinic; we will analyse the politics of the moment which is plaguing our generation with a sense of doom; and I will reflect on my own harrowing journey with mental illness and how I ultimately got a hold of it.

A braided work of memoir, history, theory and cross-country reportage, Rabbit Hole is a taboo-shattering journey of hope and transformation which provides answers that cannot be found in a psychologists office or a self-help book, and instead encourages us to take our care into our own hands.

Reviews

An unflinching examination of contemporary American culture's quest for the quick fix to emotional pain and all the terrifying, wondrous possibilities that lie beyond it -- Laura Delano, author of UNSHRUNK: A STORY OF PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT RESISTANCE

Author Bio

P. E. Moskowitz (they/them) is a writer and author of the critically acclaimed How to Kill a City and The Case Against Free Speech. Born in New York City, Moskowitz graduated from Hampshire College and CUNY Graduate School of Journalism in 2012. Moskowitzs writing has appeared in New York Magazine, Atlantic, GQ, WIRED, BuzzFeed, Slate and VICE. Moskowitz also writes a bimonthly column for Business Insider about politics, the media and mental health, and runs a successful newsletter on Substack called Mental Hellth.