From Junkie to Judge: One Woman's Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction

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From a junkie addicted to methamphetaminesto a federaljudge,MaryBethOConnorsmemoir shares her inspiring journey from rock bottom to resilience as she forged a personal path to recovery from trauma and addiction.

Silver Award, 2023 Nonfiction Book Awards

Searing, unsettling, and ultimately triumphant, Judge O'Connor's debut memoir takes readers on a wild ride through the rock-bottom underbelly of intravenous drug addiction to the hallowed halls of justice where she rose to the pinnacle of success as a federal judge.

With wit and unabashed honesty, OConnor shares her remarkable three-phase journey: the abuse and trauma that drove her to teenage drug use, the chaos that ensued from her addiction; and how she developed a personalized secular recovery plan that led to twenty-nine years of sobriety. Her story proves any addict can recover and anyone can build a productive and happy life, no matter how low the bottom or how deep the pain.

Within a week of being born, OConnor was dropped off at a convent. When she was brought into her home, her mother focused on her own needs and desires, ignoring her young child. When she was nine, her stepfather kicked her in the stomach for spilling milk, beat her when she didnt clean a plate to his satisfaction, and molested her when she was twelve. A few months later, with her first sip of Boones Farm Strawberry Hill wine, her life changed. She felt euphoric and relaxed. So she got drunk as often as possible, adding pot, then pills, then acid. At sixteen, she found her drug of choice--methamphetamine. With her first snort, she experienced true joy for the first time. When this high was no longer sufficient, she turned to the needle and shot up.

During the next sixteen years, she descended into a severe meth addiction, working her way down the corporate ladder, destroying relationships, and shattering her physical and emotional well-being.

At thirty-two, she entered rehab, where she was ordered to submit to the 12-steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. As an atheist, turning her will and her life over to a higher power was not an option, and she refused to agree she was powerless. Told to comply or fail, she bravely created a new path that combined ideas from multiple programs and even incorporated some AA concepts.

Clean and sober now for more nearly three decades, she is proof that anyone can find their sober self, their best self, no matter how far they have fallen. Along with her inspiring story, she offers a comprehensive checklist of questions for readers to ask themselves as they take the brave steps toward recovery, offering a powerful blueprint for personal change.

Reviews

"I found this story, so honest and compelling. Its incredible to see how much the author overcame and then went on to become a judge. That kind of life story and experience has to give someone a great perspective when looking at how we treat other people under the law. A great read."Lee Woodruff
"This is a sad but ultimately uplifting story. Recommended."Library Journal
There is often an unspoken hierarchy in the recovery community, with IV drug users unofficially labeled least likely to succeed. Mary Beths story counters that assumption in the most inspiring way. Her tale of trauma, loss, and ultimate victory over addiction is a testament to the strength of empowerment approaches to recovery like Women for Sobriety. If you are struggling with the idea that there is only one way to get sober, you need to read this book!

Adrienne Miller, Women for Sobriety president and CEO
Judge OConnor casts an unflinching gaze over the past to explore the factors that contributed to her demise into drugs, abusive relationships and self-harm, and the resources that helped her build an empowered life. Harrowing and hopeful, her story assures readers that recovery is possible.

Jean McCarthy,podcast host of The Bubble Hour, author of the Unpickled series
A riveting memoir about a harrowing childhood and the deep abyss of drug addictionfollowed by an inspiring story of recovery and a practical guide to building an individual recovery planno higher power required.

Mary M. French,administrative law judge, retired
Recovery, like Rome, is a destination with many roads. There is an abundance of stories where recovery is laid at the feet of some notion of God. But only a small minority of addicted persons actually walk that pathway. Much larger numbers find recovery elsewhere. Mary Beth OConnors memoir begins to fill the information gap about recovery for people who, like many younger Americans today, check 'none of the above'when it comes to religious affiliation. Starting in her teens, Mary Beth did about all the drugs you can do. She could have been a poster child for the victims of dysfunctional family life. Yet eventually she pulled out of it. She tried 12-steps and found it wanting. She took charge of her own recovery. She achieved not only abstinence but big-R Recovery, overcoming her inner demons, and demonstrating the competence, intelligence, reliability, and social skills necessary for professional advancement. This is an inspirational story of survival and renewal.

Martin Nicolaus,founder, LifeRing Secular Recovery, author of Empower Your Sober Self and Recovery by Choice
From Junkie to Judge is an essential addition to addiction and recovery literature. Mary Beths remarkable and gripping story smashes stereotypes about professionals and drug use. An avowed atheist, she also gives hope to those who've been told recovery requires faith.

Lisa F. Smith,author of Girl Walks Out of a Bar: A Memoir and co-host of Recovery Rocks podcast
What a wonderful example of the possibilities that are inside us all! This is a deeply relatable story of childhood pain that is transformed through the trials of addiction and recovery. This compelling account of triumph over adversity speaks to the challenges we all face and the hope of what is possible once we do the work of healing the past. As a person in long term recovery, I foundFrom Junkie to Judgeto be a valuable resource for those considering a life free of addictions.

Arlina Allen,One Day at a Timepodcast host
From Junkie to Judgeis a story of hard-won grace, and a remarkable tenacity to persevere.MaryBethnarrates an extraordinary journey of transcendence and advocacy. We are so fortunate to have her record, and this guide to recoveryand recovering wellthat finds witness in her overcoming adversity, becoming oneself, and blazing the trail for others to follow.

John Evans, author ofYoung Widower: A Memoir and Stanford University lecturer
Very rarely do you find a person who has the courage to be so honest about not only their particular experience but the human experience. Judge O'Connor exhibits that courage in spades in her memoir. She takes you in detail through her struggle and her subsequent recovery from addiction and trauma. It is an unbelievable example of the indomitable will to not give up. As a person in long-term recovery and an addiction clinician, it was great to read something that details just how real addiction is, how hard getting sober can be and wonderful tools to help all of those in the fight. To anyone reading this who is strugglingyou are worth it and deserving of all the beautiful things the world has to offer you.

AJ Diaz, LMSW, CASAC-T, co-founder of You Are Accountable

Author Bio

MaryBeth O'Connor has been clean and sober since 1994. She also is in recovery from abuse, trauma, and anxiety.MaryBethis a director, secretary, and founding investor for She Recovers Foundation. She also is a director for LifeRing Secular Recovery. She regularly speaks on behalf of these organizations and about multiple paths to recovery. This includes conferences, podcasts, radio, and recovery houses. She also develops relationships with other organizations, such as Women for Sobriety.In August 2020,MaryBethhad an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal,"I Beat Addiction without God," where she described combining ideas from several secular programs to create a robust recovery foundation.MaryBeths memoir writings have been published in Memoir Magazine, Awakenings, The Noyo River Review, The Fault Zone, Carry the Light, and Ravens Perch. Professionally, six years into her recovery,MaryBethattended Berkeley Law. She worked at a large firm, then litigated class actions for the federal government. In 2014, she was appointed a federal administrative law judge.