They Called Us Exceptional: And Other Lies That Raised Us

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An Indian American daughter reveals how the dangerous model minority myth tears families apart and wrecks mental health in this searing, brave memoir. How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self What do we stand to gain-and lose-by taking control of our narrative These questions propel Prachi Gupta's heartfelt memoir, and can feel particularly fraught for many immigrants and their children who live under immense pressure to belong in America. Family defined the cultural identity of Prachi and her brother, Yush, connecting them to a larger Indian American community amid white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth- that Asian Americans, and Indian Americans in particular, have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, high-achieving families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this image often comes at a steep, but hidden, cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas invisible to the outside world. Gupta addresses her mother throughout the book, weaving a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family's slow unraveling and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another-and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.

Reviews

In holding up to the light received ideas of success and examining with boundless love the secrets and sorrows of one family, Prachi Gupta shows us the life-altering power of telling ones truth.Megha Majumdar, New York Times bestselling author of A Burning

A memoir so honest and intimate, I felt I ought to look away. Log kya kahengein They Called Us Exceptional, Prachi Gupta blasts through that imprisoning phrasewhat will people sayand brings us into her life and her home with awe-inspiring courage, nuance, and intelligence.Diksha Basu, author of The Windfall

Prachi Gupta has penned a gripping memoirthat considers not simply immigrant aspirations and tribulations but also the heavy generational trauma of an immigrant parents act of leaving behind the known and the loved. With grace and dexterity, Gupta takes her reader into the complications and contradictions of growing up in an immigrant family, bravely interrogating not only the obvious but also the seething emotional territory that lies just beneath. A remarkable book that is both lyrical and brave.Rafia Zakaria, author of Against White Feminism

Author Bio

Prachi Guptais an award-winning journalist and former senior reporter atJezebel.She won a Writers Guild Award for her investigative essay "Stories About My Brother." Her work was featured inTheBest American Magazine Writing 2021and has appeared inTheAtlantic,TheWashington Post Magazine,Marie Claire,Salon,Elle,and elsewhere. She lives in New York City.