Why Mummy Doesnt Give a ****!

(Paperback)

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Family begins with a capital eff.
Im wondering how many more f*cking phases I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society It seems like people have been telling me its just a phase! for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is just a phase. Potty training and the associated accidents is just a phase.The tantrums of the terrible twos are just a phase. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions.The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse.The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture.All just phases! When do the phases end thoughWHEN

Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight a dragon badger or a ninja horse they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.

Reviews

God, shes funny Jilly Cooper

Honest and very funny its a tale that mums will identify with The Sun

Simss latest offering is a hilarious follow-up to her bestselling debut youd be forgiven for thinking the blogger behind Peter and Jane couldnt pull it off twice but she has The Sunday Post

Witty, relevant and bitingly sarcastic Gill Sims nails the aspects of modern family life that drive us crazy but which also make us who we are Sunday Express Magazine

Many mums will identify with Ellen Love It! Magazine

Author Bio

Gill Sims is the author and illustrator of the hugely successful parenting blog and Facebook site 'Peter and Jane'. She lives in Scotland with her husband, two children and a recalcitrant rescue Border Terrier, who rules the house. Gill's interests include drinking wine, wasting time on social media, trying and failing to recapture her lost youth and looking for the dog when he decides to go on one of his regular jaunts.