The Power of Parting: Finding Peace and Freedom Through Family Estrangement

(Hardback)

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A myth-shattering, inspiring book that combines research, reportage and memoir to explore the growing phenomenon of estrangement from toxic relatives - showing it not as a tragedy, but as an empowering and effective solution to the heartbreak of family abuse. After decades of enduring his mother's physical and psychological torment and years of trying in vain to set boundaries, Eamon Dolan took a radical step: he cut his mother out of his life. No more phone calls, no more visits, no more contact. Parting with his abuser gave him immediate relief and set him on a path toward freedom, confidence and joy like none he had ever felt before. In The Power of Parting, Dolan has written the book he wishes he'd had when he was struggling to free himself from his mother's abuse. In the process, he discovered how widespread estrangement really is. One in five UK families will be affected by estrangement, and at least 27 percent of Americans are estranged from a parent, sibling or other family member. Estrangement, Dolan realized, should be understood and embraced, not shrouded in shame. Drawing on his own suffering and healing, as well as experts' advice and the testimony of other courageous survivors, Dolan first explains why abuse is much different and more prevalent than we may think, how it harms us in childhood and beyond, and why limiting or eliminating contact might be our best possible choice. He then takes us through the steps of a successful, positive estrangement: how to take crucial time for yourself; how to make sure no one can gaslight you into minimizing or forgetting; how to set rules for your abuser and - if they can't or won't respect your limits - how to end a toxic relationship. He also offers valuable counsel on how to ease the guilt and grief that often accompany parting, and how to break the cycle of abuse that was likely passed down to you through many generations. With a convincing blend of clarity and empathy, Dolan encourages others to do what he ultimately did for himself: determine whether the people in your life treat you with the care and concern you deserve - and part ways with them if they don't.

Reviews

For anyone who has felt the deep wounds that relatives can inflict, this brave and groundbreaking book offers invaluable clarity, empathy, healing and ultimately, freedom. -- Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
The Power of Parting is an intellectually rigorous manifesto, a green light for reasonable limits that sometimes, with gleeful blunt force, flares red. -- The New York Times
From the family abuse he endured and the estrangement he achieved, Eamon Dolan has made a work of art that will console, inspire, and save many people. His writing is beautiful, his story and the stories of other survivors are riveting, and his guidance is clear and compelling. This wonderful book will help any survivor overcome the toxic legacy of abuse and find the rich, rewarding life they deserve. -- David Sheff, New York Times bestselling author of Beautiful Boy * David Sheff, New York Times bestselling author of Beautiful Boy *
The Power of Parting is an inspiring account of strength, self-awareness, hope and breaking the legacy of parental abuse. Informative and clear, this book offers comfort to survivors and crucially, shares first-hand insight into the freedom that cutting contact can bring. -- Dr Sarah Davies, counselling psychologist and author of Raised By Narcissists
This moving, powerful book shatters the silence surrounding child abuse and family estrangement. Through its pages, Eamon Dolan reaches out with a compassionate hand, offering hope to anyone who has ever felt alone in these experiences. -- Dr Lucy Blake, psychologist and author of No Family Is Perfect

Author Bio

Eamon Dolan has worked as an editor at HarperCollins, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, and Penguin Press. He is currently Vice President & Executive Editor at Simon & Schuster. He's also a professional photographer whose work has been shown at the International Center of Photography and elsewhere. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.