500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars

(Paperback)

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Description

Now several years post-divorce, relationship expert and humorist Mark Miller has experienced more than five hundred first dates. In "500 Dates," composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller features the highlights and lowlights of those dates.But500 Datesis about much more than dating. Its humor essays also cover romance, relationships, breakups, attraction, the nature of love, and how both men and women view the art, science, expectations, and reality of courtship and turning courtship into something deeper and longer lasting in the twenty-first century. Throughout these essays, a portion of which were previously published in various media, Miller provides a sense of hope about one's romantic prospects. Readers will find that the end of a marriage, even a long-term one, does not mean the end of romanceor one's sense of humor.

Reviews

Mark is a very good friend and brilliant writer. He is like a brother to me. At first, I wrote that he is like a sister to me, but he seemed upset by that, so I revised it.
--Kevin Nealon, Cast member of Saturday Night Live and Weeds

Mark and I used to perform our stand-up acts at the same L.A. comedy clubs. Hed always tell me, Michael, one day you'll be starring in a major, respected TV comedy show. And I'd always tell him, Mark, one day you'll write a book about 500 women turning you down.
--Michael Richards, Cast member (Kramer) of Seinfeld

"Having known how funny and insightful Mark is since our early days in the San Francisco comedy scene, it brings tremendous joy to my grateful heart that he's finally decided its safe to share this hilarious and helpful book with the world at large."
--Kevin Pollak, Comedian, actor, writer

Ive appeared on hundreds of shows without making it big. Mark has dated hundreds of women without finding his soul mate. Its comforting to know Im not the only one with elusive dreams. Plus, I laughed a lot while reading his bookmuch like his women must have reacted when he brought up the subject of a second date. Your pain is our entertainment, Mark.
--Fred Stoller, Actor, comedian, author of Maybe We'll Have You Back: The Life of a Perennial TV Guest Star

This is the book I would have writtenif I had the stomach to date 500 guys and then reveal all about those experiences. Kudos, Mark, and thanks for saving me the trouble!
-- Annabelle Gurwitch, N.Y. Times best-selling author of I See You Made an Effort: Compliments, Indignities, and Survival Stories from the Edge of 50

500 Dates is a godsend, because now when you get back from your own 500th date, youll have something exciting to look forward to. Yes, it's a book and not a human, but it's likely a lot more entertaining and fun to be with than your date was.
--Lori Gottlieb, N.Y. Times best-selling author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Mark Miller's essays made me jealous that Im happily married and not dating. Not because I could get laid a lot, but because Id be writing funny essays like these.
--Joel Stein, Time Magazine columnist

If theres only one single book everyone should read about dating, this isnt it. But this one is laugh out loud funny. I laughed my Yak-off!
-- Yakov Smirnoff, Comedian and professor of psychology at Missouri State University

Mark Miller was always funny, way back when we were writing for the great Jimmie Walker, and has continued to be. Now in the world on online dating he has done it again! Im sick of him being the funny one!
--Louie Anderson, Comedian, actor, author, Family Feud TV host

Ive dated hundreds of frogs. And none of them was Mark Miller. Hes not only a Princebut a hilarious one at that. His book is a fun-filled bible of dating disasters, sure to make you laugh.
--Marilyn Anderson, Dating, Flirting and Kissing Coach on TV's "Extreme Makeover" and author, NEVER KISS A FROG: A Girl's Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp

Any guy who's had 500 dates must know what he's talking aboutor be in need of serious psychological care. Either way, youll enjoy Marks very funny and insightful book."
--Robert S. Levinson, Bestselling author of The Evil Deeds We Do, Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers

I use humor to teach you how to speak successfully. Mark uses humor to teach you how to date successfully. Between the two of us, you can have a pretty humorous, romantic, outspoken life!
--Judy Carter, Motivational humorist, communications expert, bestselling author of The Comedy Bible and The Message of You

As a publicist, Ive represented hundreds of major celebrities. Mark Miller has dated hundreds of women. Perhaps we should combine our talents and start a dating service for celebrities. Until then, enjoy his very funny book about the highs and lows of romance, specifically his, in the 21st century.
--Michael Levine, Acclaimed Hollywood publicist, best-selling author, motivational speaker

Bravo, Mark Miller, for not giving up on love. 500 dates later and he still has the cock-eyed optimism of a hormone-infused teenager!
--Marla Martenson, Professional Matchmaker/Certified Life/Dating Coach, author of Hearts on the Line

Some guys are funny on stage, some are funny on the page. Mark Miller is that rare breed whos funny on both. Why hes not making out like a bandit on the dating scene is beyond mebut thank God hes not or we wouldnt have this very entertaining account of what's going on out there!
-- Robert Masello, Author of What Do Men Want From Women, Robert's Rules of Writing, The Romanov Cross, former columnist for Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Elle

I enjoy Mark Millers stories about dating so much I hope he never finds love.
--Sam Greenspan, Author of 11 Points Guide to Hooking Up

Mark Millers anything-but-objective look at the dating scene is sweet, funny, and insightful.
--David Misch, Screenwriter, teacher, and author of Funny: The Book: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Comedy
Mark is a very good friend and brilliant writer. He is like a brother to me. At first, I wrote that he is like a sister to me, but he seemed upset by that, so I revised it.
--Kevin Nealon, Cast member of Saturday Night Live and Weeds

Mark and I used to perform our stand-up acts at the same L.A. comedy clubs. Hed always tell me, Michael, one day you'll be starring in a major, respected TV comedy show. And I'd always tell him, Mark, one day you'll write a book about 500 women turning you down.
--Michael Richards, Cast member (Kramer) of Seinfeld

"Having known how funny and insightful Mark is since our early days in the San Francisco comedy scene, it brings tremendous joy to my grateful heart that he's finally decided its safe to share this hilarious and helpful book with the world at large."
--Kevin Pollak, Comedian, actor, writer

Ive appeared on hundreds of shows without making it big. Mark has dated hundreds of women without finding his soul mate. Its comforting to know Im not the only one with elusive dreams. Plus, I laughed a lot while reading his bookmuch like his women must have reacted when he brought up the subject of a second date. Your pain is our entertainment, Mark.
--Fred Stoller, Actor, comedian, author of Maybe We'll Have You Back: The Life of a Perennial TV Guest Star

This is the book I would have writtenif I had the stomach to date 500 guys and then reveal all about those experiences. Kudos, Mark, and thanks for saving me the trouble!
-- Annabelle Gurwitch, N.Y. Times best-selling author of I See You Made an Effort: Compliments, Indignities, and Survival Stories from the Edge of 50

500 Dates is a godsend, because now when you get back from your own 500th date, youll have something exciting to look forward to. Yes, it's a book and not a human, but it's likely a lot more entertaining and fun to be with than your date was.
--Lori Gottlieb, N.Y. Times best-selling author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Mark Miller's essays made me jealous that Im happily married and not dating. Not because I could get laid a lot, but because Id be writing funny essays like these.
--Joel Stein, Time Magazine columnist

If theres only one single book everyone should read about dating, this isnt it. But this one is laugh out loud funny. I laughed my Yak-off!
-- Yakov Smirnoff, Comedian and professor of psychology at Missouri State University

Mark Miller was always funny, way back when we were writing for the great Jimmie Walker, and has continued to be. Now in the world on online dating he has done it again! Im sick of him being the funny one!
--Louie Anderson, Comedian, actor, author, Family Feud TV host

Ive dated hundreds of frogs. And none of them was Mark Miller. Hes not only a Princebut a hilarious one at that. His book is a fun-filled bible of dating disasters, sure to make you laugh.
--Marilyn Anderson, Dating, Flirting and Kissing Coach on TV's "Extreme Makeover" and author, NEVER KISS A FROG: A Girl's Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp

Any guy who's had 500 dates must know what he's talking aboutor be in need of serious psychological care. Either way, youll enjoy Marks very funny and insightful book."
--Robert S. Levinson, Bestselling author of The Evil Deeds We Do, Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers

I use humor to teach you how to speak successfully. Mark uses humor to teach you how to date successfully. Between the two of us, you can have a pretty humorous, romantic, outspoken life!
--Judy Carter, Motivational humorist, communications expert, bestselling author of The Comedy Bible and The Message of You

As a publicist, Ive represented hundreds of major celebrities. Mark Miller has dated hundreds of women. Perhaps we should combine our talents and start a dating service for celebrities. Until then, enjoy his very funny book about the highs and lows of romance, specifically his, in the 21st century.
--Michael Levine, Acclaimed Hollywood publicist, best-selling author, motivational speaker

Bravo, Mark Miller, for not giving up on love. 500 dates later and he still has the cock-eyed optimism of a hormone-infused teenager!
--Marla Martenson, Professional Matchmaker/Certified Life/Dating Coach, author of Hearts on the Line

Some guys are funny on stage, some are funny on the p

Author Bio

Mark Miller has held positions as a nationally syndicated dating columnist for the Los Angeles Times, a dating blogger for the Huffington Post (along with a wealth of other publications), a TV sit-com staff writer/producer, a stand-up comic in nightclubs and on TV, and a writer for comedians such as Jay Leno, Dana Carvey, Roseanne Barr, and Jim Carrey. He lives in Los Angeles.