First Comes Love

(Paperback)

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'Bitingly funny, infectiously inquisitive and ferociously sharp. Adored!' ATTITUDE 'A fascinating interrogation' GRAZIA 'An incisive, witty and moving look at marriage - as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution' REFINERY29 It was one thing to get married when your parents, your neighbours, your community insisted on it, when a sacred union for heterosexuals was not just one option but the only option. Its quite another to keep doing it in when free of that societal and religious pressure. What is the allure of an institution grounded in patriarchy, in elitism, in white supremacy in the West, an institution that invalidated all but one kind of love till quite recently Why do so many of us fight against these social ills while also posting pictures of proposals on Instagram Is it possible to be married while subverting the institution by doing it ones own way, or is marriage having the last laugh after all Tom Rasmussen comes from a Northern, working class family, for whom marriage in the centrepiece of life. They are also a male-bodied, non-binary queer person in a relationship with a man. Journeying through wildly different weddings, visits to wedding planners, interviews with the much-married, those who have questioned their decision to marry, and those who would never consider matrimony, this is an incisive, witty and moving look at marriage - as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution. Tom Rasmussen examines what marriage means across the spectrum of sexuality and class, and what the future looks like for this most historic and universal of institutions. 'An incisive, compassionate probing of the pleasures and pitfalls of marriage ... A deft deconstruction of normativity today' DAZED 'Tom Rasmussen is a smart and accomplished storyteller ... Anyone - queer or straight - who's considering marriage, or for that matter anyone who's deeply in love should read this unputdownable book' KATE BORNSTEIN 'I love Tom Rasmussen and adore their writing' TRAVIS ALABANZA 'An interrogation and an investigation ... A deeply funny and optimistic read' JUNO ROCHE

Reviews

Bitingly funny, infectiously inquisitive and ferociously sharp. Adored! * ATTITUDE *
Tom Rasmussen is a smart and accomplished storyteller ... Anyone - queer or straight - who's considering marriage, or for that matter anyone who's deeply in love should read this unputdownable book -- KATE BORNSTEIN
I absolutely loved this book. A fascinating, funny and ultimately moving exploration of marriage in the 21st century, voiced flawlessly - each interjection more perfect that the last -- EVIE WYLD
I love Tom Rasmussen and adore their writing -- TRAVIS ALABANZA
A fascinating interrogation * GRAZIA *
An incisive, witty and moving look at marriage - as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution * REFINERY29 *
An interrogation and an investigation ... A deeply funny and optimistic read -- JUNO ROCHE
An incisive, compassionate probing of the pleasures and pitfalls of marriage ... A deft deconstruction of normativity today * DAZED *
PRAISE FOR DIARY OF A DRAG QUEEN: A riotous portrayal of the contemporary queer experience * DAZED *
Diary of a Drag Queen is a heartfelt memoir of queerness and non-conformity * VOGUE *
Tom covers the nuance, doubt, and uncertainty of being a drag queen. Crystal covers the transcendence ... Charisma and quick intelligence - two qualities that have long been prerequisites for drag ... Diary puts on technicolor display * NEW YORKER *
Truthful, revealing and obscenely hilarious [] Strident and unapologetic but really sweet, too * ATTITUDE *
A proud voice for the non-binary community * GAY TIMES *
This book honestly changed my life. Toms honesty, vulnerability and fearlessness jumps out of every page and every word. It is the queer bible Ive always needed and I dont remember life BT (before Tom) -- SAM SMITH

Author Bio

Tom Rasmussen is a Northerner based in London. When out of drag, they are contributing editor at Dazed Beauty, LOVE Magazine and Refinery29, and a regular contributor to the Independent and i-D. Their work has also been featured in Vice, Broadly, Tank and the Gay Times. In 2018 they were named an LGBT trailblazer by The Dots and one of the voices of now for i-D. Tom also forms half of the radical queer punk band ACM. Their first book, Diary of a Drag Queen, was longlisted for the Polari First Book Prize 2020. They live in London. @tomglitter