Bouncing Back from Rejection: Build the Resilience You Need to Get Back Up When Life Knocks You Down

(Paperback)

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Go beyond your fear of rejection to develop confidence, compassionate self-awareness, and resilience! Do you have a fear of rejection If so, you aren't alone. But if you have difficulty bouncing back after rejection, experience intense pain as a result, or if the fear of rejection is so crippling that it interferes with your everyday life, it's time to make a change. This groundbreaking guide can help. With this book, you'll learn why you fear rejection by gaining an understanding of your unique attachment style. Secure attachment is defined as a feeling of being protected and well-cared for. People who experience secure attachment as young children are more likely to be happy, healthy, and resilient adults. On the other hand, insecurely attached people are less likely to cope well with rejection, and may have trouble bouncing back after difficult experiences. Once you understand how your attachment style has informed your fears, you can begin the work needed to overcome them! Using the theory of attachment, and the five domains of awareness: Sensations, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, and Mentalizing (STEAM), you'll learn to relate to yourself and to others in more positive ways, even when difficult situations arise. So, whether you experience rejection in a romantic relationship, at work, or with friends, you'll have the resilience needed to recover quickly and focus on what makes you special and unique. This isn't a book that promises to protect you from future rejection. Unfortunately, rejection happens to everyone and is a normal part of life. But you will learn skills to handle this rejection and come to see it as less scary. With this view, you'll gain confidence, self-awareness, and the resilience needed to bounce back, even when life throws you a curveball.

Reviews

"For anyone struggling with actual or perceived rejection by others, this book provides a lifeline. Leslie Becker-Phelps clearly understands the issue, including its anticipation and painful aftereffects. She offers a variety of very practical strategies for making changes based on an integration of contemporary treatment and self-help approaches. A book that compassionately and comprehensively attends to a topic that gets far too little attention."
--Christine A. Courtois, PhD, ABPP, licensed psychologist in private practice (now retired); consultant and trainer in trauma psychology and trauma treatment; coauthor of Treating Complex Trauma, with Julian Ford; and author of Healing the Incest Wound--Christine A. Courtois, PhD, ABPP
"Bouncing Back from Rejection is a wonderful primer for anyone who is struggling with rejection and is curious about gently attending to these sensitivities. By tapping into our basic human needs for love and belonging, Becker-Phelps offers practical and compassionate ways to redirect attention away from chronic self-criticism and toward cultivating a deep sense of self-worth, security, and self-kindness--ultimately fostering resilience for the quirky challenges of being part of the human family."
--Tara Cousineau, PhD, staff psychologist at Harvard University Counseling Center; senior faculty at the Center for Mindfulness and Compassion, Cambridge Health Alliance, Cambridge, MA; and author of The Kindness Cure--Tara Cousineau, PhD
"Bouncing Back from Rejection will help you uncover the courage, self-worth, and resilience that are naturally at the foundation of who you are. Take your time with it, absorb it into your life, and watch the gifts grow."
--Elisha Goldstein, PhD, founder of the Mindful Living Collective, and creator of A Course in Mindful Living--Elisha Goldstein, PhD
"All of us hurt when we are rejected. But for some, this experience is so crushing that it is not clear how to ever bounce back. In this well-written and carefully crafted book, Leslie Becker-Phelps invites readers on a psychological and social journey in which rejection and fear of rejection are allowed to shine a light on how we relate to our own experience. All of it--including our sensations, thoughts, emotions, actions, and the mentalization of ourselves and others. By learning to take a self-compassionate approach to experience, the reader is shown in a step-by-step way how to turn rejection into greater attachment and connection--with others and with your deeper self."
--Steven C. Hayes, PhD, Foundation Professor in the department of psychology at the University of Nevada, Reno; codeveloper of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT); and author of A Liberated Mind--Steven C. Hayes, PhD
"In Bouncing Back from Rejection, the generous and passionate author gives us all she has, drawing on the science of attachment, mindfulness, and compassion-focused imagery. Feelings of rejection are at the heart of so much of our emotional suffering. What better path, than a path to self-acceptance, inner security, and kindness"
--Dennis Tirch, PhD, founder of The Center for Compassion Focused Therapy, associate clinical professor at Mount Sinai, and author of The ACT Practitioner's Guide to the Science of Compassion--Dennis Tirch, PhD
"This book first reveals the immense power that fear of rejection can have over us. Then, clearly and compassionately, Leslie Becker-Phelps shares the puzzle pieces--awareness, reflection, and reframing--that can release our fear and create a newfound sense of freedom."
--Sharon Salzberg, cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society, and author of Real Happiness and Lovingkindness--Sharon Salzberg
"This book gets right to the heart of overcoming rejection sensitivity--compassionate self-awareness. Using exercises that are easy to apply in daily life, Becker-Phelps offers a positive pathway to feeling more safe and secure in our relationships. She also unpacks in accessible prose the important connections between attachment theory and self-compassion practice. Highly recommended!"
--Christopher Germer, PhD, Harvard Medical School/Cambridge Health Alliance; author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion; and coauthor of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook--Christopher Germer, PhD
"This book is very helpful for those who have recently been rejected or who would just like to have healthier relationships with others. Grounded in solid psychological theory and research, it unpacks why we get stuck in old patterns and how to get unstuck. Highly recommended."
--Kristin Neff, PhD, associate professor in the department of educational psychology at The University of Texas at Austin--Kristin Neff, PhD

Author Bio

Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, author, and speaker. She writes the Relationships blog for WebMD and is the relationship expert for WebMD's Relationships message board. She also writes the blog Making Change for Psychology Today. Becker-Phelps previously served at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital, Somerset, as clinical director of Women's Psychological Services and chief of psychology in the department of psychiatry. She lives with her husband and two sons in Basking Ridge, NJ. Find out more about her
at www.drbecker-phelps.com.