Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs

(Paperback)

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A handbook for staying grounded, emotionally connected, and empowered regardless of what's in the headlines and who's in your face. "How can I practice acceptance when what I see all around me is unacceptable" "How can I 'let go' when the headlines that trigger me are constant" "How do I get involved without burning myself out" For empathetic people who don't want to ignore the challenges of living in a politically divisive time and don't want to have our minds commandeered by the media, the challenge of living with mindful equanimity is a daily struggle. If distress isn't at the forefront of our awareness, we are, at the very least, holding a background anxiety that makes us susceptible to emotional reactivity. We know that acting out strong emotions impulsively robs us of our clarity, hinders our relationships, and distorts our ability to respond effectively. Yet, so many approaches to emotional intelligence and mindful coping seem to fall short in the fever-pitch moments. How do we walk through the fire of these times without getting scorched With his signature warm, funny, street-wise style, author Ralph De La Rosa gives us a handbook for mindful living in contentious times. Full of insights and dozens of practices to address common reactions to our current political climate--from media addiction and rage to dissociation and apathy--Don't Tell Me to Relax brings the welcome news that our thoughts and emotions are not the enemy. That in fact, when used skillfully, they can become a powerful foundation to support our practice.

Reviews

De La Rosa entwines neurobiology, spirituality, and parts work in an intriguing way and offers powerful experiential exercises that bring his approach to life.
Richard Schwartz, developer of the Internal Family Systems model of psychotherapy

De La Rosa offers a path of empathy, compassion, and mindfulnessa path of walking straight through the entire range of our emotions.
Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness

This book is a bright lantern that leads you through the scary, dark corners of your mind and heart, only to learn that therein lies freedom, justice, and love. Ralphs kind, clear, ultra-honest voice is the perfect guide. He utilizes personal stories of radical healing, combined with wisdom from meditation, neuroscience, psychotherapy, activism, poetry, and music to make complex theory accessible and relevant. A stunning and transformative book, critical for our times.
Yael Shy, author of What Now Meditation for Your Twenties and Beyond

Stepping onto the path of radical self-inquiry just got a little bit easier with Ralph De La Rosas guidance in Dont Tell Me to Relax. With his requisite punk-rock sensibilities, deep spiritual practice, and years of clinical practice, Ralph goes beyond the usual platitudes and teaches us all how to navigate those times when were not so mindful, when weve become entangled in a web spun of anger, fear, and shame. Ralphs wit, wisdom, and practical advice were the antidotes I needed in these anxious times to exhale completely and to recommit to a life of service.
Linda Sparrowe, author of Yoga at Home and Yoga Mama

This book is like a flotation device amidst the churning waters of insanitynot only in the world we live in but inside our bodies and minds as well.
Will Johnson, author of The Posture of Meditation and Breathing as Spiritual Practice

Through his deep experience as a psychotherapist, author, storyteller, and meditation teacher, Ralph De La Rosa sheds light upon the crucial subject of emotional resilience. In Dont Tell Me to Relax, he masterfully blends science with love to help us understand that we are all able to mention, and manage, our emotions through a powerful process of self-healing, mindfulness, and growth.
Brendan Burns, host of The Brendan Burns Show

Proposing that activism has everything to do with resilience, De La Rosa suggests self-care and mindfulness as a means for increasing ones resilience, and that anger can be the fuel needed to take action instead of something that hardens ones heart.
Publishers Weekly

Author Bio

Ralph De La Rosa, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice and a seasoned meditation instructor. He began practicing meditation in 1996 and has been teaching since 2008. He was a student of Amma's (Mata Amritanandamayi) for sixteen years and began studying Buddhism in 2005. His work has been featured in the New York Post, CNN, GQ, SELF, Women's Health, and many other publications and podcasts. He regularly leads immersive healing retreats at Omega Institute, Spirit Rock, and Kripalu. He is a summa cum laude graduate of Fordham University's social work program and has trained in multiple forms of trauma-focused treatment including Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) and Somatic Experiencing (SE).