Healing from Parental Abandonment and Neglect: Move Beyond Insecure Attachment to Build Safety, Connection, and Trust with Yourself and Others

(Paperback)

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A powerful approach to heal from abandonment trauma, break free from self-blame and shame, and rebuild trust-with yourself and the ones you love.

Do you blame yourself for being abandoned or neglected as a child, or suffer from poor self-esteem, anxiety, or depression as a result Do you have deep feelings of shame, defectiveness, and insecurity that impact your life and relationships If so, you are not alone. These are common experiences for survivors of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). But what happened to you as a child or young adult isn't your fault. By understanding how you were affected, you can start on the path to healing and personal growth.

From family trauma expert and abandonment survivor Kaytee Gillis, Healing from Parental Abandonment offers a powerful, evidence-based approach that draws on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and compassion-focused therapy (CFT) to help you develop a thorough understanding of what abandonment is and how it may have shaped who you are today.

You'll also learn skills to help you work through self-blame and shame, replace unhealthy behaviors with positive coping skills, form healthy boundaries, and reconnect with your true self. And finally, you'll find exercises and activities to help you put what you've learned into action-so you can make lasting positive change.

What happened in your past doesn't have to define your future. If you're ready to heal the invisible wounds of your childhood, this compassionate guide can help you get started today.

Reviews

"Healing from Parental Abandonment and Neglect is a gift to survivors of this often-misunderstood form of trauma. Attuned to the survivor's experience by sharing her own, Kaytlyn Gillis guides readers on a journey to release self-blame, develop clarity and inner trust, and offers practical suggestions for responding to those who can't understand how a parent abandons their children. This compassionate book offers validation, supportive guidance, and a pathway to healing."
--Diane Petrella, MSW, psychotherapist, and author of Healing Emotional Eating for Trauma Survivors

--Diane Petrella, MSW

"Gillis's writing is sensitive, nurturing, inspiring, and provides an easy-to-read guide to cultivating healing around developmental wounds. Inviting readers to consider how our families of origin can live on subconsciously in the present, Gillis brilliantly encourages the reader to psychologically liberate themselves from the familial shackles of one's past."
--Mark Shelvock, registered psychotherapist; certified thanatologist; and adjunct professor in the grief education program at OISE, University of Toronto

--Mark Shelvock

"Kaytee Gillis uses her vast therapeutic experience and own personal journey to build a healing journey filled with compassion, practical tools, and hope. With insightful knowledge about how parental abandonment affects the self, relationships, and more--and powerful strategies to support healing in these areas--this is a must-read for individuals and clinicians alike."
--Betsy Holmberg, PhD, author of Unkind Mind

--Betsy Holmberg, PhD

"Kaytlyn Gillis creates a transformative guide for defining and navigating the complexities of parental abandonment, showing that change and recovery are possible. Blending clinical wisdom with anecdotes and exercises, she empowers readers to heal their inner child and live more confidently as adults. Each chapter equips the reader with strategies to improve emotional well-being and find their authentic voice. I highly recommend this book to anyone wishing to heal."
--Tara Overzat, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS, trauma therapist; Psychology Today contributor; and wellness advocate for resiliency, mental health, and climate change

--Tara Overzat, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS

"Kaytlyn Gillis has filled a significant gap in self-help literature with her book, Healing from Parental Abandonment and Neglect, which focuses on meeting the needs of an often-overlooked group of trauma survivors. Her relatable and informative style, as well as practical strategies, offer an essential resource for survivors, their clinicians, and their families. I'll be recommending this book to my clients and colleagues."
--Amanda Ann Gregory, LCPC, trauma psychotherapist, and author of You Don't Have to Forgive

--Amanda Ann Gregory, LCPC

"Kaytlyn Gillis's book, Healing from Parental Abandonment and Neglect, is a revelation! She masterfully blends brilliant writing with research and her own challenges, creating an invaluable resource for healing. The transformative exercises--including coping with triggers, overcoming negative self-talk, and impactful guided imageries--empower readers to engage deeply with their healing process. This book deserves a place on every psychiatrist's and therapist's bookshelf, essential for anyone seeking personal growth or supporting others on their journey. A must-read for anyone ready to transform their past into a source of strength!"
--Scott Shapiro, MD, nationally recognized adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) psychiatrist, and a renowned executive coach based in New York, NY

--Scott Shapiro, MD
"Finally! This is the book I wish I'd read when I was going through my own family trauma. Gillis has written what will surely be the go-to guide for making sense of a kind of pain that's not much discussed. Individuals and therapists should pay attention to Gillis's smart and warm insights. This book will absolutely change lives."
--Jonathan Corcoran, author of No Son of Mine and The Rope Swing--Jonathan Corcoran
"Readers will immediately recognize Kaytee Gillis's passionate and compassionate voice from social media, as she advocates for adult survivors of childhood abuse and neglect. She balances clinical observations, research, and her own personal history to normalize and explain the invisible scars this type of childhood can inflict, and provides realistic strategies and practices to manage these types of traumas. Both laypeople and clinicians will find useful information in this book."
--Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, author of Post-Traumatic Parenting, clinical director of The Center for Psychological Growth, and host of the Post-Traumatic Parenting YouTube channel--Robyn Koslowitz, PhD

Author Bio

Kaytlyn "Kaytee" Gillis, LCSW-BACS, is a psychotherapist, author, consultant, and expert in family trauma. She specializes in working with survivors of family and relationship trauma, psychological abuse, and C-PTSD. She has published several books on the topic of relational trauma and psychological abuse including Breaking the Cycle: The 6 Stages of Healing from Childhood Family Trauma; It's Not High Conflict, It's Post-Separation Abuse, and Invisible Bruises, and has a regular column called Invisible Bruises on Psychology Today.