How to Stop Trying: An Overachievers Guide to Self-Acceptance, Letting Go, and Other Impossible Things

(Hardback)

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An unflinchingly honest and sometimes hilarious look at hustle culture, exploring the forces that have shaped a generation of overachieving women who now find themselves in search of a better way forward. Have you ever heard someone say, "I'm trying to make it work," and thought, "That sounds like a great idea" Probably not. Because the thing about trying is that it's tiring; it's labor. Anyone who has tried to have fun or to relax or to fall asleep knows this to be true. And yet: we exist within a culture that encourages us-often with a frantic urgency-to try, and try harder. We are told to try a different approach, try to do or be better, try to squeeze in a little bit more. This is especially true of women, who not only have to try harder than men to receive access to the same opportunities and resources, but who are also conditioned to try in the name of meeting others' needs and expectations, often at the expense of their own well-being. In this galvanizing and illuminating read, Kate tackles hustle culture head-on, exploring the ways in which women are primed to become relentless strivers. From the workplace to motherhood, from relationships to "self-care"-no arena of a woman's life is safe from the pressure to exceed expectations. This conflation of self-worth with achievement, she argues, is both toxic and counterproductive, as the qualities we most seek-happiness, meaning, purpose-are not earned but rather owned. Known for her astute cultural analysis and pitch-perfect observations of generational trends, Williams takes readers on a journey rooted in her own struggle to divest from an overachieving identity, including the realizations that came in the wake of a painful fertility challenge. Deeply felt, passionately argued, and often laugh-out-loud funny, this is a book for every woman who has ever wondered what would happen if she stopped trying so hard-and just let go.

Reviews

"For a generation raised to have it all, which actually meant doing it all--and doing it all perfectly, with no help--How to Stop Trying offers a lifesaving proposition: What about . . . doing much, much less With openness and wit, Kate Williams celebrates the art of giving up on endless to-do lists to make space for unhoped-for joy."
--Ada Calhoun, New York Times bestselling author of Why We Can't Sleep

"In How to Stop Trying, Kate Williams explores what happens in a mindfu*king culture where women are extolled to overachieve while simultaneously being admonished that there's no way to have it all. What Williams offers--with wit and provocation--is that the only way to unsubscribe from a society where we just can't win in the eyes of others is to choose ourselves instead, an act of rebellion that just might save our lives."
--Elise Loehnen, New York Times bestselling author of On Our Best Behavior

"The famous bard once asked, 'What are you going to do with your one wild and precious life' Frankly, you can start by reading this book because it will damn well help you figure it out. Carefully crafted with resonant essays rife with wit and charm, How to Stop Trying packs a powerful, honest literary punch."
--Kathleen Glasgow, bestselling author of Girl in Pieces

"As a lifelong try-hard, How to Stop Trying really spoke to me. Don't tell me to calm down, but also thank you, Kate Williams, for telling me to calm down."
--Maris Kreizman, author of I Want to Burn This Place Down

Author Bio

Kate Williams is a women's magazine veteran who has written for Shape, Nylon, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Women's Health, and Seventeen, among others, and also spent years in the fashion industry, working for brands such as Urban Outfitters, Calvin Klein, and Sophia Amoruso's Nasty Gal during the publication of the era-defining #GIRLBOSS. A New York Times bestselling ghostwriter, she has written seven uncredited books in addition to four young adult novels: the Babysitters Coven trilogy-which was optioned by Nickelodeon-and the thriller Never Coming Home. How to Stop Trying is her first work of nonfiction.