Why Are We Yelling: The Art of Productive Disagreement

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Description

Why Are We Yelling is the essential book about how to turn arguments into a productive and enjoyable dialogue rather than a bad-natured confrontation. The way we argue is broken - whether we're arguing about immigration, the existence of ghosts, the best burger in the city, or who's allowed to sit in your favourite chair. We end up digging in our heels and yelling at one another or choosing to avoid heated topics entirely. Either way, problems continue to fester under the surface and inevitably return as even bigger problems later on. There has to be a better way. Buster Benson, a Silicon Valley entrepreneur with two-decades of experience facilitating hard conversations at some of the biggest and most controversial tech companies in the world, is on a mission to help us see disagreement differently. He recommends 10 things to try in order to make disagreements more productive. The way we talk is laden with old conversational habits that need to be re-examined - and by practicing these 10 new habits we can flip frustrating, unproductive disagreements into ones that bear fruit and bring people closer together. Instead of dreading arguments, or avoiding them at all costs, we'll even start looking forward to them as one of the most rewarding parts of our lives. In this book you'll learn practical skills to make your disagreements more fruitful by: * Learning to see and appreciate four other fruits of disagreements that are more valuable than "winning", and easier to harvest. * Identifying the kind of argument you're having so you can know how to best approach it. * Articulating the best possible version of your opponent's argument before attacking it. With this toolkit, we can learn to see the world as a less frustrating and more interesting place. Gone will be the days of mentally gearing up to attack people and defending ourselves from people we disagree with. Instead, we can explore more possibilities and perspectives in the world, simply because we'll no longer be afraid to wade into scary topics of conversation.

Reviews

Conflict can be ugly. But if you follow the precepts of Buster Benson, youll discover that its also inevitable, necessary, and even helpful. Why Are We Yelling provides a taxonomy of disagreement - explaining how arguments arise, how to handle them, and how to resolve them. Nobody can completely avoid conflict, but everybody can learn how to argue better and more productively with this provocative book. -- Daniel H. Pink, author of When and To Sell Is Human
This is a life-changing book. Read it three times and then give a copy to anyone you care about. It will make things better -- Seth Godin, author of This is Marketing
All you need is Buster Benson. His methods are instantly actionable, his writing is funny and relatable, and his book is the ideal companion to Difficult Conversations -- Adam Grant, author of Originals and Give and Take, and host of the TED podcast WorkLife
Im a sucker for frameworks, and this is one of the greats. You'll learn to turn the messy, frustrating, emotional experience of arguing into a fine art. You'll watch the quality of your collaborationsand your ideasgo through the roof -- Nir Eyal, bestselling author of Hooked and Indistractable
Conflict can be ugly. But if you follow the precepts of Buster Benson, youll discover that its also inevitable, necessary, and even helpful . . . everybody can learn how to argue better and more productively with this provocative book -- Daniel H. Pink, author of When and To Sell Is Human
Reading Why Are We Yelling is like having your most calm, level-headed friend explain how you might diffuse a tense situation in your life and work. I especially recommend this book to anyone who has ever tried to win an argument only to end up frustrated with the results -- Jason Shellen, co-founder of Google Reader, Boxer, and Brizzly; founder of A Little Drive
With provocative ideasand the brain science to back them upWhy Are We Yelling offers fresh approaches to conflict and connection -- Sarah Milstein, author of The Twitter Book
Lively, accessible, and practical guide . . . eight valuable principles for turning rude arguments or suppressed differences into dynamic conversations that illuminate, connect, and yield better results for all -- William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes, and author of Getting to Yes with Yourself
This clever, empowering book shows how conflict can be a source of growth, intrigue, and joy . . . This is the perfect book at the perfect time to bring some sanity back into disagreements -- Annie Duke, author of Thinking in Bets
Buster Benson turns everything you know about arguing on its head. Before reading this book, I never thought Id be looking forward to my next disagreement. Productive disagreeing is the most underrated life skill you can build -- Ev Williams, CEO of Medium, partner at Obvious Ventures, co-founder of Twitter
In todays polarized climate, 'productive disagreement' often feels like an oxymoron. Benson brilliantly challenges this idea, offering a thoughtful guidebook on how to lower our voices, tolerate tension, and have the constructive dialogue our world needs -- General Stanley McChrystal, author of Leaders and Team of Teams

Author Bio

Buster Benson currently leads a 100+ platform team at Slack. Previous to that, he held positions as an engineer, designer and product manager at Twitter and Amazon. He has also founded three tech companies and built an engaged social media and Medium community.