How to Outsmart a Narcissist with Emotional Intelligence: Regain Control at Home, at Work, and in Life

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It might be surprising to learn that the emotional qualities that allow you to remain close to others, empathize, collaborate, compromise, perspective-take, and easily resolve conflict, in most healthy relationships, can actually backfire with a toxic person.

Why Because you see the good. You trust. You empathize. You take things "on the chin," for the betterment of the group. These emotionally intelligent attributes serve you well with non-narcissists and allow you to remain close and connected to others. They may also help you resolve conflict amicably and maintain healthy relationships. Yet, with a narcissist these EI features are often manipulated and exploited.

Unfortunately, a narcissist typically garners your trust before they do anything else. Once they have it, however, they abuse it by unscrupulously working behind your back against you. Before you realize what is happening, they have quickly convinced you that you are the "real" problem in the relationship. In the absence of a solid education about your vulnerabilities regarding this dynamic and specific emotionally intelligent strategies to inoculate the narcissist, you may endure an inhumane amount of emotional abuse in almost every area of your life -- work, dating, marital, and familial.

Author Bio

Dr. Erin Leonard has been a practicing psychotherapist for 25 years. Currently, she owns and practices at Recore Counseling in Indiana. Dr. Leonard has appeared on WGN and FOX affiliates in Chicago, Dallas, Boston, Memphis, Atlanta, and Phoenix. She is a TV contributor for WNDU, South Bend, WISH TV, Indianapolis, and WGN, Chicago. In 2016, she won the bronze Living Now Award, and in 2018 was awarded the title of worldwide leader in healthcare and inducted into the International Association of Healthcare Providers.

As a journalist for Psychology Today with over 7 million readers, she enjoys helping people in the areas of emotional intelligence, empathy, narcissism, attachment, and parenting. Her TikTok platform helps her reach a wider audience and keeps her in touch with people who are looking for trustworthy advice.