The Curse of Lovely: How to break free from the demands of others and learn how to say no

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Description

Many people's lives, relationships, careers and wellbeing are blighted by the belief that to be liked, loved and accepted they have to limit themselves to the behaviours they believe are approved of by others. This might mean some or all of the following: always being polite, nice, helpful, charming, fun, making people feel good about themselves, not letting people down, never saying 'no', avoiding conflict and putting others' needs before their own. Jacqui Marson in her 15 years of clinical experience as a psychologist has coined the phrase 'the curse of lovely' to describe this growing trend. Many people would like to be known as lovely, but for a growing number of people it can feel like a curse. They feel trapped, suffocated and oppressed by the weight of others' expectations and feel that change is not an option. This highly practical and motivational book will show readers how to break the cycle or curse of lovely to live a more complete, fulfilling life. Contents include: When 'lovely' turns into a curse; the lovely child - how it all begins; the lovely friend; the lovely parent; the lovely colleague; the lovely partner; from curse to gift - how we can still be lovable and get our needs met; but what do I want - how to tune in to what your body is telling you; re-evaluating anger; saying 'no' and surviving; how to instigate scary conversations; and how to replace the personal rules that put you at the bottom on the pile.

Reviews

"The Curse of Lovely "is an empowering and enlightening guide to positive change for people who struggle to stand up for themselves. Read it and be cursed no more by the weight of other people's expectations! Step into your true self with Jacqui Marson as your warm and wise companion - she offers creative and practical help to ensure you thrive in your own right Val Sampson, coach and couples counsellor, author of Tantra: The Art of Mind-blowing Sex and co-author of The Breast Cancer Book"
An essential read Health and Fitness"
Insightful self help Judith Woods, Telegraph"
Insightful, courageous and humorous - what a wonderful addition to the self-help genre! "The Curse of Lovely "is unpretentious and rich with well-developed case studies that take the reader from compassionate self-awareness to effective change. I have found this book to be like an intimate therapy session where you learn to unpack and challenge the curse of lovely. I am sure it will become the go-to resource for all of us who struggle to say no Dr F. Jay McClellan, MSc, PsychD"
Marson offers coping strategies, delivered in a cosy, confiding tone, that makes even the most problematic of scenarios seem solvable Marie Claire"
No wishy-washy advice, just loads of helpful tips on how to be assertive and friendly Shop Til You Drop"
People-pleasers: read this book and you will emerge from your chrysalis of falsehood! "The Curse of Lovely" is the first real guide to setting people-pleasers free - innovative, practical, a guide to replacing niceness with authenticity.
This is a light-hearted look at asserting yourself, saying no and breaking free from others' demands. Go on, dare to be a disappointment Stylist"
Through "The Curse of Lovely," Jacqui Marson takes you on a journey - a journey of gentle, compassionate self-discovery. It answers the what, the how and the why in an utterly charming and non-judgemental way. It then subtly guides you into understanding and learning how to change the aspects of yourself that cause you the most misery. The progressive use of case studies and real-life experiences make this book incredibly readable and accessible. The humorous and almost self-deprecating Jacqui shows you how to understand yourself and your behaviour without the critical "inner voice." Like a true, good therapist Jacqui guides you towards change until you get to the point of cathartic liberation from your "curse." I loved reading this book not only because I recognised so many truths in Jacqui's observations, but because, as a fellow psychologist, I know intuitively that this book will help people reframe their curse as a gift they can finally control and be proud of. Buy this book if you suspect you have the curse; also buy it for anyone in your life you think has the curse of lovely - it will genuinely be a gift that keeps giving. Pia Sinha, Chartered Psychologist and Deputy Governor, HM Prison Service"

Author Bio

Jacqui Marson is a chartered counselling psychologist with a private practice in Covent Garden, London. She is the inhouse psychologist for Channel Five News and has a monthly column, Fast Therapy, in Psychologies magazine.