Achieving a Good Death: A Practical Guide to the End of Life

(Hardback)

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Description

Death is inevitable, dying badly is not. A good death is achievable, and this book explains how.
There is an art to dying well that can be taught and learned. While death is inevitable, dying badly is not. This practical guide to achieving a good death will reduce the fear that often cloaks discussions about death and dying and give readers the knowledge and skills to achieve a peaceful and gentle death.
With the multiple options available at the end of life, people can design and direct their end-of-life journey so they have as fulfilling and meaningful life as possible right up to the end and achieve the elusive good death when the time comes. Chapters focus on essential elements of living well and preparing for a good death including:
Death cleaning so we dont burden our loved ones with a big messTalking with loved ones and doctors about our end-of-life wishes and aspirations so they know what matters to us and how we want to be treatedWriting a legacy letter (an ethical will) and a memoir to let loved ones know what is deep in our hearts.Understanding caregivers, an under-appreciated group of people, usually unpaid women, who number in the millions.The benefits of palliative care, hospice care, and end-of-life doulas and the necessary vigilance to get the most out of these essential services.End-of-life options, including medical-aid-in-dying (MAID) and voluntarily stopping eating and drinking (VSED).What its like to die and how to help people as they die.Options for disposition of the body of a loved one (or your own body) after death, especially in an economically and ecologically responsible wayPlanning commemorations and celebrations of life.The nature of grief, including how to deal with it, and why it is often unbearably painful.This thoughtful and gentle guide, exploring one of the most difficult human topics, equips every reader with the information they need to overcome the anxiety and confusion that so often overwhelms end-of-life planning so they may intentionally plan for a good death that will provide comfort for all during ones final act.

Reviews

As a physician for many years, I wish I had Chris Palmers book Achieving a Good Death as a resource for my patients and families. He tackles head-on the practical issues we all face but shy away from dealing with them. Each of us deserves a dignified and meaningful end of life, and this book is a sure-fire guide to achieving that noble goal. -- Kurt Newman, MD, president emeritus, Childrens National Hospital, and author of Healing Children: A Surgeons Stories from the Frontiers of Pediatric Medicine
Palmer, an astute and sensitive researcher, has culled, sorted, and presented the best from many evidence-based sources. He gives voice to unspoken fears like degradation, pity, and shame and adds valuable and original suggestions for ethical wills, legacy letters, memoirs, and eulogies from his expertise as a writer and storyteller. Bravo for this eminently helpful and deeply meaningful book. -- Barbara Coombs Lee, author of Finish Strong: Putting Your Priorities First at Lifes End, and president emerita/senior advisor, Compassion and Choices
With insightful prose and personal anecdotes, Palmer challenges the sanitized portrayal of death prevalent in media and confronts the taboo surrounding discussions about mortality. Readers are encouraged to embrace the reality of death as a natural part of life, empowering them to approach the end with dignity, agency, and peace. A thought-provoking, must-read that invites readers to contemplate the profound meaning of life and the importance of living fully until the very end. -- Mikhail Kogan, MD, medical director, GW Center for Integrative Medicine, associate professor of medicine, and associate director of Geriatric Fellowship at George Washington University; author of Integrative Geriatric Medicine
Chris Palmer sheds light on the elusive good death and provides solid, practical advice for how to take control and have agency in living and dying well. For those of us in the aging field, Palmers book is a refreshing complement to his insightful workshops on death and dying. Achieving a Good Death belongs in everyones personal library and should be shared with family and friends. -- Barbara Hughes Sullivan, executive director, Village to Village Network
Chris Palmer has written an important and incredibly useful book designed to give the reader the skills and knowledge to live fully to the end of life and to have a good death. Everyone should read this book and imbibe its wisdom. -- Steven Petrow, contributing columnist, The Washington Post, and author of Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old
Achieving a Good Death: A Practical Guide to the End of Life is just EXCELLENT. It addresses all of the areas involved in end-of-life decision-making and educates about the actual dying process and grieving. Comprehensive, direct, and not overly medically phrased, this book is for caregivers, grievers, and those who want a more sacred end-of-life experience. -- Barbara Karnes, RN, hospice pioneer, and author of Gone From My Sight: The Dying Experience
Chris Palmers Achieving a Good Death is an exceptional compendium of everything one needs to know to deliberately complete ones life journey with the best chances of avoiding a medicalized death, a ruptured family, and a legacy of grief, second-guessing, and what-ifs. From the medical aspects of dying well to the legal aspects of advance directives, including the social aspects of supporting ones family and caregivers and dealing with the American funeral industry, Palmer covers it all calmly and eloquently. This masterful discussion of all possible end-of-life issues is capped with personalized examples of instructions to physicians about end-of-life wishes and touching examples of ethical wills. Study this carefully; you and your family will undoubtedly benefit from it. -- Samuel Harrington, MD, author of At Peace: Choosing a Good Death After a Long Life
Achieving a Good Death by Chris Palmer is a major accomplishment and has the potential to help us all achieve a good death ourselves. I urge everyone to read this book and give it to their friends and family as a gift. Palmer covers every aspect of aging, dying, and death, including death cleaning, ethical wills, memoirs, advance directives, voluntarily stopping eating and drinking, human composting, funeral planning, and more. The book is lucidly written and superbly informed, totally enjoyable, and profoundly wise. I cannot recommend it highly enough. -- Katrina Spade, founder and CEO of Recompose
In this important and inspiring book, Palmer presents a comprehensive and detailed plan for achieving a gentle, humane, and dignified end of life. It is a must-read for anyone who will one day die. -- Dan Morheim, MD, former Maryland state legislator, emergency-medicine physician, and author of Preparing for a Better End
Chris Palmer takes the fear, mystery, and anxiety from those facing death and provides practical, informative, and helpful advice to families in their time of need. Achieving a Good Death helps honor our loved ones and comfort the bereaved. It should be on the bedstand of every person who will face dyingin other words, everyone. Palmers outstanding book is a gift to the death care industry and the families we serve. -- Glenn S. Easton, executive director of the Garden of Remembrance Memorial Park, the first certified Hybrid Green Burial Cemetery in Maryland
This is a must-read for anyone committed to maintaining control of their life to the end. Chris Palmer has covered all the important moments likely to arise in those final days, weeks, and months, making it a comprehensive resource. -- Jessica Nutik Zitter, MD, MPH, Founder of Reel Medicine Media, and author of Extreme Measures: Finding a Better Path to the End of Life
Chris Palmer is a fearless author who expertly leads us into a new and vital vision of death. In Achieving a Good Death, as in his previous books, he guides the reader with an expert, thoughtful hand. This topic is universal; the book is essential. -- Lawrence T. Bowles, MD, PhD, former Dean of George Washington University Medical School
At last, the operators manual for humans we didnt get at birthand its chock full of practical details and insight, written with understanding and humor by a fellow traveler. While many who advise about dying often go silent in the aftermath of the death itself, Chris Palmer plunges right ahead with pinpoint facts and heart-led observations that prepare us in every way for the full possibilities inherent in dying, deathcare, and disposition. I urge you to read this book! -- Lee Webster, funeral reform advocate, former President of the National Home Funeral Alliance, and co-founder of the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance
Chris Palmer shares his versatile repertoire of worldly wisdom and practical information about the universal experience of coming to the end of life. Even for those disinclined to do any practical planning, this easy-to-read guide provides key principles that spare our loved ones the agonizing tasks of guessing what kind of personal and medical care we desire if we can no longer articulate our wishes. Achieving a Good Death lights our way in the most gentle and reassuring way and should be required reading for all adults! -- Elizabeth L. Cobbs, MD; Fellow, American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine; Fellow, American Geriatrics Society; Professor, Medicine, Geriatrics, Hospice and Palliative Medicine, George Washington University
How refreshing to read a prepare-for-the-end guide with the guts to include what so many of us want to know. How do I hasten my death if Im faced with a future that I find unacceptable Hats off to Chris Palmer for looking us in the eye and answering. -- Lowrey Brown, Exit Guide Program Director for Final Exit Network
Just when you think its safe to bypass the Death and Dying section at your local bookstore or library...Kudos to Chris Palmer, who has penned a remarkable compendium of what all of us need to know in order to die well. Read this book, then buy an extra copy for your family and friends. -- Sara Williams, president, Funeral Consumers Alliance
Chris Palmer somehow provides a comforting approach to a traditionally unapproachable topic. He soothes daunting fears about death and aging and turns them into a source of motivation to strive for a full, intentional, and present life. Im a big fan of Chris Palmers work across his breadth of topics and am especially grateful for Achieving a Good Death. This book is so important and near and dear to my heart. It gives me the bravery to dig deep enough and go for what I truly want and the guidance for considering the wishes of my loved onesnow through the end of life. -- Cyn Meyer, author of From Aimless to Amazing: The Rewire Retirement Method and founder of Second Wind Movement
In a comprehensive but highly readable format, Chris Palmer has addressed all the concerns, issues, and questions that friends, colleagues, and patients typically raise regarding the end of lifewell done. -- Michael J. Strauss, MD, MPH, President, Marylanders for End-of-Life Options
Chris Palmer thoughtfully captures the depth and breadth of this hard and holy conversation we all fear to have, and yet without it, a good death is surely denied. Everyone who will die should read this book and take its profound message to heart. You only die once. This manual will better ensure we dont mess it up. Give to your parents, your adult children, your clinicians, and your clergy. Give it to those you love and who love you. -- Dixcy Bosley, RN, MSN, FNP, clinical nurse care manager, hospice nurse, and end-of-life activist
Chris Palmers book, Achieving a Good Death, deserves a place on your bookshelf as a classic next to Elisabeth Kbler-Rosss On Death and Dying. He shows us that death encou

Author Bio

Chris Palmer is an end-of-life activist and a trained hospice volunteer. He founded and currently leads an aging, death, and dying group for the Bethesda Metro Area Village and serves on the board of several nonprofits focused on end-of-life issues, including Montgomery Hospice and Prince Georges Hospice, Final Exit Network, Funeral Consumers Alliance, Hemlock Society of San Diego, and the Maryland Office of Cemetery Oversight. He has written ten books and frequently gives presentations and workshops to community groups on aging, death, and dying issues. Proceeds from all his books fund scholarships for American University (AU) students, where he served 14 years on AUs full-time faculty as Distinguished Film Producer in Residence. Before becoming involved in end-of-life issues, he spent forty years as a wildlife and conservation filmmaker. To learn more, visit www.ChrisPalmerOnline.com.