Love between Equals: Relationship as a Spiritual Path

(Paperback)

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The modern committed relationship is under stress--we want love and attraction as much as equality and reciprocity. A key figure in mindfulness and psychotherapy shows how to bring mindfulness to the unique kind of relationships we find ourselves pursuing today. A committed relationship, as most people see it today, is a relationship of equals who share values and goals, a kind of team united by love, a common purpose and philosophy, and dedication to each other's growth on many levels, including spiritually. However, we have failed to recognize what a brand-new model this is in the history of the world. The old archetypes and myths and the reductive biological models do not provide adequate guidance for relationships based on "personal love." We need new guidelines that are rooted in sound understanding of our modern psychology and dilemmas. Young-Eisendrath makes the stand that modern relationships, which demand equality and reciprocity, cannot resort to dominance, control, or trust-breaking. Valuing being "true to yourself" in a relationship means we must learn to ongoingly renegotiate conflicts and needs with our partner, rather than necessarily bailing out at the first upset. Utilizing wisdom gleaned from her many years of Buddhist practice and teaching and her work in psychotherapy and couples counseling, Young-Eisendrath shows how mindfulness is the key. Her insights and clinical examples are supported by practical application through the provision of mindfulness-based practices, exercises, and dialogue formats she has effectively used in couples counseling. You may not always like the hard truth in what you read, or you might even disagree at times, but Young-Eisendrath is willing to not only dismantle our idealized projections about love, but also offer a way forward to bring our intimate relationships on the spiritual path.

Reviews

Imagine the wisdom of a long-term contemplative practitioner woven together with the insights and compassion of a psychoanalytically trained and deeply experienced couples therapist, tie these together with the broad knowledge of a caring and curious educator, and youll get a sense of the tapestry that is the colorful collage of Love between Equals.Daniel J. Siegel, MD, founder of the Mindsight Institute

Intimate relationships are the householders monastery: a place to learn about oneness and connectivity with a special other. In the most successful relationships, that oneness and connectivity extends out to encompass all of creation. But for a relationship to be successful at that level, one must be willing to be affirmed and negated, expanded and contracted, allowed and limited over and over again. Young-Eisendrath is both a seasoned psychotherapist and a veteran contemplative adept. As such, she is ideally qualified to provide the information and inspiration youll need in order to achieve that noble goal.Shinzen Young, author of The Science of Enlightenment

With razor-sharp clarity, depth, and compassion, Young-Eisendrath takes the reader on an illuminating journey into romantic love.Weaving together the insights of depth psychology, psychoanalysis, and Buddhist spirituality, she outlines a truly clarifying reflection on the nuts and bolts of sustainable partnership.Read this alone or with your partner.It is a gift to anyone who wants to live into the experience of mature love.Pilar Jennings, PhD, author of To Heal a Wounded Heart

Love between Equals brilliantly illuminates our most important adult developmental taskhow to love and be loved. While the topic is ancient and ageless, our contemporary practice of choosing an equal partner commands a different approach to loveone that requires both spiritual and psychological development. Synthesizing the wisdom from psychoanalysis and Buddhist practice, Young-Eisendrath shows us how to skillfully work with our demanding self so that we may truly love our partner and our relationship.Roshi Grace Schireson, PhD

Have you ever wondered why falling in love so rarely leads to lasting intimacy Or why love between parents and children has grown ever more confusing in the age of psychotherapy Answers to these troubling questions, and more, fill the pages of this masterful book by the analyst and relationship expert Polly Young-Eisendrath. Combining decades of clinical practice with her lifelong devotion to Buddhist dharma, Young-Eisendrath offers readers a brilliant roadmap to loving wisely and sustainably in the twenty-first century. Full of insight, humor, and practical advice, this is a must-read for anyone puzzled by love and intricacies of the human heart. I couldnt put it down.Mark Matousek, author of Writing to Awaken: A Journey of Truth, Transformation, and Self-Discovery

Author Bio

POLLY YOUNG-EISENDRATH, PhD, is a Jungian analyst and psychotherapist in private practice. She is the clinical supervisor at Norwich University, Northfield, Vermont, and clinical associate professor of psychiatry, University of Vermont, Burlington. She is the chairperson of the Enlightening Conversations conferences, which bring together participants from the front lines of the interface between Buddhism and psychotherapy. She is the author of numerous books including The Self-Esteem Trap- Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance (Little, Brown- 2008).