You'Re a Vampire: That Sucks!: A Survival Guide

(Paperback)

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Description

Being bitten by and turned into a vampire isn't the glitz and glamour that Hollywood makes it out to be. In fact, one out of five newly turned vampires will succumb to a slew of easily avoidable and common pitfalls within their first few months as a nightwalker - tempting garlic-laced Italian food, silver jewellry and anything with an SPF below 1,000 will have to go. As an answer to this tragic loss of undead life, "Count" Domenick Dicce has written the definitive how-to guide that just might save your pale, ice-cold skin. This helpful tome will cover everything from Vampire 101 - such as hunting, feeding and getting used to your new powers - to Vampire Graduate Studies - such as coffin selection, the ghoulish world of vampiric social hierarchy and the universal Laws of the Vampire. This humorous and giftable guide will be perfect for you or the vampire nut in your life, complete with illustrations throughout. There's nothing worse than getting laughed out of the room at a vampire party after saying a cliched "I vant to suck your blahd!" - this stylish and fun guide for the newly undead will ensure that this never happens to you!

Reviews

Praise for You're a Vampire: That Sucks!

'Count' Domenick Dicce comes off as worldly and capable, offering hard-won wisdom to potentially undeserving vampire readers. This is a quick read that might just surprise over-saturated genre readers.
San Francisco Book Review


A must-read for the recently dead, which walks the reader through the first and awkward years of vampirism. This Transylvanian romp will have you giggling as it guides you through finding a decent meal, making fang-toothed friends, and avoiding wooden-stake-wielding psychopaths.
Taylor Bayouth, author of How to Steal the Mona Lisa

Youre a Vampire: That Sucks! is prescribed for treatment of moderate to severe cases of nosferatu ennui. Side effects include laughter and prolonged snickering. Warning: reading Domenick Dicce may become habit-forming.
E.E. Knight, author of the Vampire Earth series

"Finally, a guide for the living undead! Count Dicce's delightful book helps the novice vampire deal with everything from finding a suitable job to recipe tips for creatively satisfying your insatiable blood lust. A fun, informative guide that I know I'll be relying on."
Andrew Mayne, author of Angel Killer

[V]ery helpful for a new vampirea light-hearted romp that any vampire lover will enjoy.
SF Reader review

"If you're looking for guidance in your new life or just for something different in the vampire line, you can't go wrong with Dicce's advice."
Bill Crider's Pop Culture Magazinereview

"In 'Count' Domenick Dicces unique spin on the monster survival guide...youll learn just what its like to be the one dodging wooden stakes rather than wielding them. Count Dicces exhaustive guide includes tips, tricks, and trade secrets on how to cope with your new existence."
Celebrity Parents Magazine review

"[A]nicely illustrated, short-and-sweet survival guide for those of the vampiric persuasion."
The Nameless Zinereview

"We get, as well as discussing feeding habits, a look at vampire weaknesses and powers, a discussion on finances, the necessary talk about coffins. Its all good fun."
Vampedreview

"This is the perfect gift for the newly turned vampire in your life. Dicce approaches the heavy topic with humor and grace. It will make your transition into this new phase of life much easier."
To Read, Or Not to Readreview

Author Bio

Count Domenick Dicceis a writer, actor, and all-around creator of fun. He lives in California, and this is his first book.