What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape

(Paperback)

Available Formats

Publishing Details

Classifications

Physical Properties

Description

Sohaila Abdulali was gang-raped as a teenager in Bombay. Indignant at the deafening silence on the issue in India, she wrote an article for a woman's magazine questioning how we perceive rape and rape victims. Thirty years later she saw the story go viral in the wake of the horrific 2012 Delhi gang rape and the global outcry that followed. This book draws on her own experience, her work with hundreds of survivors as the head of a rape crisis centre in Boston, her research, and three decades of grappling with the issue personally and professionally. What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape is about changing the conversation around rape culture, questioning our assumptions, and figuring out how to raise the next generation. Grounding each chapter in an individual story, Sohaila Abdulali looks at what we- women, men, politicians, teachers, writers, sex workers, feminists, sages, mansplainers, victims and families-think about rape and what we say. She asks pertinent questions: Is rape always a life-defining event Does rape always symbolize something Is rape worse than death Is rape related to desire Who gets raped Is rape inevitable, like the weather Is one rape worse than the other Who rapes What is consent How do you recover a sense of safety and joy How do you raise sons Who gets to judge What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape is neither a memoir nor an academic study but it is deeply personal and meticulously researched. It is a rallying cry and required reading for us all.

Reviews

This frank and courageous book is an urgent read for lawyers, judges and students alike. Surbhi Karwa, Live Law; One of the most powerful books Ive read in a really long time. Its not an easy book to read, as you may have gathered by now, but an incredibly important one! I cried with it, I laughed out loud, I got angry and I felt proud, and thankful, and humbled, and empowered by the words of Abdulali. This book will be staying with me for a long time. My Book World Book Tour, Bookstagrammer, 5-star review; This book is at times a confronting read, but it will give you insight into one of societys most important issues. How can we banish rape as much as possible from our society The first step is to talk and read about it. That is why Sohaila Abdulali wrote this book. Boekvinder Blog; Of all the essays that exclusively address the issue of sexual violence is one that I liked the most. It is not plagued with statistical data. Also, it is an especially plural and diverse narrative. In this book there is space for women from all points of the globe, with their realities, their culture and their experiences. Lector Alila, Instagrammer; I have learned a lot from Abdulali, and have enjoyed (this seems like the wrong word in the context of this book, but its true) her writing. Its witty, funny (really!) and so astute. I wont spoil more of this books genius, but I encourage you all to read it. Petite Pinotte, Bookstagrammer, Favourite Reads of 2019; This book has opened my eyes. Plumilla Lectora, Bookstagrammer; Written with joy, love and dignity, this book doesnt just talk about her own story, it talks about the stories of women from all over the world, each of whom have faced the same evil. While this text is a crucial manifesto for a society that is slowly beginning to unlearn, it is also a testament to the bravery and resilience of the stories it tells. Most important of all however, is the fact that this book does not claim to have all the answers. In fact, if anything it is a book designed to help us, as a society, ask questions. Surya Matondkar for Right Now, Human Rights Organisation in Australia; Whether you are dealing with sexual violence yourself, work within settings with survivors of sexual violence or know very little about it, this is a book that broadens your view of sexual violence and ensures that you can adopt a more nuanced vision than the black and white thinking that is still there too often. Jolien Gijselinck, Hebbanl; In short, this book is about the silence that surrounds rape. Thats why the rapists feel comfortable, because no-one wants to talk about it. Instagram algorithm hides serious themes. Google hides. Women suffer in silence because they feel guilty and ashamed, Children dont understand whats going on. I could go on and on. Every person who reads this book does the world a favour. WordChild, Bookstagrammer; The book seeks to blow open the public secret of rape through many anecdotes and to facilitate sensitive, yet pragmatic, discussion. Abdulali attempts to rip apart the pity and shame that inflect much of the talk around rape in connection with victims. Through her own experience as well as those recounted by other survivors, she strives to put rape in its place, refusing to grant it the power that can erode identities and undermine peoples sense of being. The Telegraph; More than women, it is the men who need this book; they are not the problem but their entitlement is. The Hindu Business Line; What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape explores not just what we say when we talk about rape but also what we dont say, and asks pertinent questions about consent and desire, redemption and revenge, and how we raise our sons. Its not an easy read, but its an important one. Blank Gold Coast; There should be many more books like Sohaila Abdulalis What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape... Its a book that stresses the fact that there is no singular response to rape, and asks questions that must be addressed: Who gets raped and why And, if youre a survivor, how do you recover a sense of safety and joy Its essential reading. Washington City Paper; With accessible forthrightness and nuanced empathy, Abdulali explores urgent questions and dismantles popularly-help assumptions about rape and sexual violence. No question is off-limit in this collection of essays Is rape worse than death How are sexual violence and desire related Why do rapists rape making it a searing yet considered book that needs to be read by people of all genders. Scroll.in Best of 2018 Non Fiction Books; This is perfect for fans of Rebecca Solnits style; an honest, yet hopeful, exploration of sexual assault and the worldwide discourse on rape, told first-hand from the perspective of a survivor and activist. This is recommended reading in the #MeToo and Times Up age. Vogue; What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape by Sohaila Abdulali is a powerful, solicitous and hard-hitting read which has the potential to create history... It is also a guide for parents, mentors and guardians on how to approach this matter with the next generation. For all this and more, it is an extremely important read. I would say it a thousand times over. Read it. Absorb it. Share it. Re-read it. Womens Web; The book is not your typical pop-academia offering. It takes a conversational approach to a painful subject, while still managing to avoid making light of rape or its legacy. Abdulali is careful not to speak for all survivors, acknowledging how rapes after-effects manifest differently for everyone. And she examines the darkest questions surrounding what we dont say about rape; for example, must rape victims be forever defined by someone elses crime Can rape ever be about sex instead of power How can survivors find joy while still honoring their rage Laura Barcella, Longreads; Drawing on her own experience as a survivor, as well as on research and her work as the head of a rape crisis center in Boston, (What We Talk About...) approaches the complex topic of rape culture with care and insight. Abdulali does the important work of placing the current #MeToo movement within a global context, and tells the larger story of how societies may begin to heal. Marisa Crawford, The Rumpus; Allow yourself to be immersed in Sohaila Abdulalis words. There is hope and laughter here, there is redemption and forgiveness in the stories narrated. There is humour, compassion, wisdom and light on these pages. The authors search for answers is bound to resonate with yours and mine. Natasha Badhwar, Live Mint; What We Talk About not only sets the record straight, but it also explores the yet unthinkable idea that a survivors life isnt ruined after he or she is raped, that his or her identity lies beyond the victim checkbox. Remarkable is too feeble a word to describe Ms Abdulalis courage, surreal is a misplaced word to define something that is so firmly rooted in the reality of our times and delightful seems rather inappropriate an adjective for a book about unimaginable pain. And yet, all three capture the essence of Ms Abdulalis book that resolutely escapes all efforts to be pegged. Business Standard; We absolutely need to talk about rape, but we also need to change how we talk about it and ensure that we wrestle control of that conversation from those who would silence victims with blame and shame. Sohaila Abdulali and writers like her are providing us with the means to do that. Pick up this book and lend a hand, wont you The AU Review; Abdulali writes about... thorny subjects in a blunt, conversational style spiked with the same humor evident in her conversation. The resulting book incorporates the individual stories of rape survivors into a wide-ranging consideration of the multiple issues relating to rape around the world: what constitutes consent, rape as a political weapon, the rape culture of male entitlement, the healthiness of anger, and also the possibility of forgiveness. Publishers Weekly; A timely, deeply affecting and comprehensive work Abdulali challenges misconceptions, prejudices and misogynistic thinking, demanding to know why rape is so prevalent and so casually excused, never flinching from tough questions or from reminding us of the often catastrophic affect rape has on the lives of victims. Reasoned, realistic and unwavering, Sohaila Abdulalai has achieved something quite remarkablea book that doesnt sensationalise this highly emotive subject, yet which is, quite simply, sensational. Staunch Book Prize; She writes in a conversational style and injects a levity that, rather than betraying the seriousness of her subject, makes it more possible to handle the necessary yet horrifying details of rape of all kinds. An important book working towards an important goal: meaningful and thoughtful discussion of a taboo subject. Booklist; Abdulali brings precision, clarity, and style to her exploration of a topic often treated as more confusing than it is... Her clear-eyed assessments, grace, and literary touches will make this book valuable reading for sociologists, therapists, feminists, and anyone who believes women should be able to move through the world free from fear. Publishers Weekly starred review; At once direct and nuanced, unblinking yet subtle, Abdulali tackles the complexities of sexual violence head-on, rightly criticizing simplistic shibboleths... Distinguished by its global view and spliced throughout with shorter chapters that offer snapshots of the authors emotional landscape, this is Susan Brownmiller, vitally updated. Kirkus Reviews; This is a vital, eye-opening exploration of a crime which affects too many of us, in often unspoken but always life-changing ways. Sohaila Abdulalis book is an honest, wry, engaging and very human testament to the survivors voice as a necessary tool for change. It is filled will truths that will resonate with millions of usand educate millions more. Winnie M Li, author of Dark Chapter; What We Talk About When We Talk about Rape places the #MeToo movement in a global context. Drawing on her experiences as a rape survivor and as scholar and advocate, Sohaila Abdulali takes us from the United States to India, South Africa, Mexico, Kuwait, and other countries, providing examples that illustrate both the intense particularity and infuriating similarities of sexual violence around the globe. Courageous, angry, compassionate, informative, hopeful, and wise, this book approaches this hard topic from a variety of angles. She addresses shame and the silencing of survivors, retaliation, victim blaming, the complexities of consent, recovery, and other issues. Elizabeth Armstrong, professor of sociology, University of Michigan; Such a lot of insight in this book. I wish I had written it. An international take on the contemporary movement towards learning to talk about rape. The more we talk, the more we learn. The more we learn, the more we can change. Read this book and be part of the change. Una, author of Becoming, Unbecoming; The book is an essential contribution to the current conversation about rape, rape culture, and the personal toll of sexual violence in the world today. Abdulali captures the complexity of this disturbing topic with clarity, compassion, and insight. Her prose is, at turns, comforting and enraging, confrontational and engaging, timely and timeless, humane and horrific. Yet, throughout, she focuses on our capacity and responsibility to contribute to a safer, healthier, and more fulfilling world for all. Abdulali teaches us that surviving sexual violence is essentially a creative act, and in her brave book she shares her, and many other, inspiring stories of surviving, thriving, and regaining wholeness. Richard O. Prum, author of The Evolution of Beauty; Both hard to read and an amazing, vital read, What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape is the exact book we all need right now - to do better, we must know more. Empathy is a key character in this book. Sohaila is a brilliant and beautiful writer, and a star and thought leader for our generation. Alyssa Mastromonaco, author of Who Thought This Was a Good Idea and former Deputy Chief of Staff to President Barack Obama; Know this: the shock is not that Abdulali speaks frankly about rape. The shock is not that she interrogates the content, and limits, of our public discourses about rape culture with candour and warmth, with cool precision and justified rage, with wisdom and, yes, humour. The shock is that there are not more books like this. This is a powerful indictment of the way our socialised silences breed only injustice, fear and disconnection. Abdulali speaks into those voids and misperceptions, using the full register of her humanity in the hope for change. Read it, and do not stop talking. Sarah Krasnostein, author of The Trauma Cleaner; Unflinching and nuanced Her structure is disruptive and powerful for itnever letting us forget that there is a person who suffers, a body that gets broken. And, when a body is violated, all of society is at risk. This book could not be more timely, nor could there be a better thinkerherself a survivorto write it. If the #MeToo campaign is to have any lasting impact for change in womens circumstances across the world, it will be because of books such as this. Preti Taneja, author of We That Are Young, winner of the 2018 Desmond Elliott Prize; What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape is brilliant, frank, empowering, and urgently necessary. Sohaila Abdulali has created a powerful tool for examining rape culture and language on the individual, societal and global level that everyone can benefit from reading. Jill Soloway; I dont think any review that I could write would do this title justice. The Lovely Library Lady 5-star review, Bookstagrammer

Author Bio

Sohaila Abdulali was born in Mumbai, moved to the United States with her family when she was a teenager. She has a BA from Brandeis University in economics and sociology and an MA from Stanford University in communication. She is the author of two novels The Madwoman of Jogare and Year of the Tiger as well as childrens books and short stories. She lives in New York with her family. What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape was published simultaneously on four continents by publishers in the UK, Australia and New Zealand, India, and the US and Canada. It is also available in Dutch, Korean, Spanish and Turkish editions. It is a popular assigned text for Gender Studies and other students worldwide: I honestly loved Abdulalis book, says one student at the University of New Hampshire, it didnt even feel like I was reading a book for class. It felt like I was having an informative and educational talk with one of my friends about a very important issue.