Interfaith Families: Personal Stories of Jewish-Christian Intermarriage

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Christmas or Hanukkah Bris or baptism Church or synagogue As the number of Jewish-Christian marriages in America continues to rise, couples find themselves searching for ways to navigate the choppy waters of interfaith families. Children, extended family, and communities can all contribute to the strain a marriage might feel when religion is an issue. Should the children be raised in one faith and not the other Who should decide which holidays to celebrate and how How can couples deal with extended family members who may not understand or accept the interfaith marriage Here, couples in Jewish-Christian marriages describe their experiences and reveal intimate details of their lives as members of these unique families. Without being prescriptive, this book offers examples of the successes and failures, struggles and triumphs of such religiously mixed families, shedding light on new ways to approach everyday situations and major life decisions. The couples whose stories are found in these pages describe how they tackled these topics. Many decided to maintain a Jewish household, while others decided on a Christian family life. Still others found ways to incorporate both religions, and in some cases one partner converted to the other's faith. In all situations, the couples describe their sacrifices, feelings, frustrations, and religious behaviors and practices. Readers will find an array of reactions and approaches in these pages, and will come away with fresh insight into interfaith families in general and Jewish-Christian marriage in particular.

Reviews

.,."I have used Jane Kaplan's book to bring real people's stories into the room while helping couples and families in the process of understanding and making interfaith decisions. The book helps folks hear struggles, thoughts, feelings, conflicts, and joys of others in similar positions. Hearing these stories creates a support group for each and every person. In the book, there is always someone in which to identify. There is always some alternative that is new and creative. There is always one story to help soothe a struggle...."-Mary Jo Barrett, Director of Training Center for Contextual Change University of Chicago
"Puts flesh on the bare bones of the statistics about Jewish/Christian intermarriage. Jane Kaplan has chosen people with a variety of approaches to the subject, and shaped their narratives deftly and unobtrusively into an engrossing and useful book."-Mary Helene Rosenbaum Director, Dovetail Institute for Interfaith Family Resources
"This book puts a human face on the challenges of being a dual-faith family. Reading it, couples will gain insight and comfort, and clergy will learn of their pain and conflicts. Its sensitive portrayals of couples--often isolated and struggling on their own--suggests the need for new institutions to support these uncharted journeys."-Sheila C. Gordon, Ph.D. President, Interfaith Community Inc.
"Jane Kaplan's nuanced interviews suggest that interfaith relationships can be tricky terrain for couples, whether both partners are religiously observant or secular in orientation....[t]his is an interesting and useful book, although not a "book" in the traditional sense. Certainly couples concerned with Jewish-Christian interfaith relationships will find this volume valuable. The interviews offer some good starting points for discussion among a broader audience or students of Sociology of Religion. Interfaith relationships can work, but couples have to have clear (and honest) communication about their religious beliefs and feelings. Nor should they expect a resolution that looks like their neighbour's. The interpretation of religious practice and belief are unique to the couples who struggle with achieving a satisfactory solution to the issues of faith and practice."-Journal of Comparative Family Studies
[B]rings to life the subtleties and the process of ongoing familial negotiations behind dry intermarriage statistics....puts to rest the notion that intermarriage means the doubling of the Jewish community, rather than its destruction.-Jerusalem Post
[I]nterfaith Families is a readable and useful reference tool for couples, their families and congregational support groups....[t]his is a worthwhile addition to any congregational library.-Church and Synagogue Library Association
[I]t is the candor of the stories that makes this an important resource for discussing intermarriage and conversion issues. This is not a book put together to show us how well things worked out once a decision was made to convert to Judaism or to create a Jewish household. It is obvious that conflicts often arise in interfaith marriages, even when one or both partners define themselves as "non-religious." It is also obvious that the pressure put on couples in these situations by their own families and clergy can be hurtful. Though in most cases the extended families came to accept the choices made by the couples involved, harm was done. This book makes us consider exactly what it is we mean when we talk about creating welcoming communities for interfaith families....Kaplan has helped us to see alternative, and, it is hoped more effective and more welcoming ways of responding to the challenges of intermarriage.-The Reconstructionist
[T]his book works like a support group, The reader doesn't get answers, but discovers many possibilities.-The Dallas Morning News/Connecticut Post/DallasNews.com
[U]seful for intermarried couple and their parents is Kaplan's Interfaith Families; the author delivers more than 50 portraits of individuals and couples touched by intermarriage, and then steps out of the picture. "There were no experts who stepped in to comment on the material or to offer their interpretations," she writes....Kaplan's work provides a welcome opportunity to learn "the kinds of details only someone experiencing a situation firsthand could know.-Lilith
Couples in Jewish-Christian marriages describe their experiences. The book offers examples of the successes and failures, struggles and triumphs of such religiously mixed families.-Shofar
Interfaith Families: Personal Stories of Jewish-Christian Intermarriage is not a guide. Indeed, Kaplan specifically avoids offering any advice. Rather, she presents the interviews in a readable way, and makes initial observations only in her Introduction....Her observations are fascinating.-interfaithfamily.com
Jane Kaplan's nuanced interviews suggest that interfaith relationships can be tricky terrain for couples, whether both partners are religiously observant or secular in orientation....[t]his is an interesting and useful book, although not a "book" in the traditional sense. Certainly couples concerned with Jewish-Christian interfaith relationships will find this volume valuable. The interviews offer some good starting points for discussion among a broader audience or students of Sociology of Religion. Interfaith relationships can work, but couples have to have clear (and honest) communication about their religious beliefs and feelings. Nor should they expect a resolution that looks like their neighbour's. The interpretation of religious practice and belief are unique to the couples who struggle with achieving a satisfactory solution to the issues of faith and practice.-Journal of Comparative Family Studies
She goes beyond the statistics to provide a picture of how their religious identity evolved over the course of marrige.In the process, she ends up describing an enormous hybrid sub-culture of North American Judeo-Christian families, that differs "strickingly" from all other American Jews.-JPOST.COM
These stories make clear that there are numerous challenges to maintaining a two-faith family.-Chicago Tribune
What this book illustrates is that there are indeed problems in intermarriage, but that most couples come to an accomodation that satisfies both parties, and that Jews are not going to disappear from American life very soon.-Multicultural Review
"Brings to life the subtleties and the process of ongoing familial negotiations behind dry intermarriage statistics....puts to rest the notion that intermarriage means the doubling of the Jewish community, rather than its destruction."-Jerusalem Post
"Interfaith Families is a readable and useful reference tool for couples, their families and congregational support groups....this is a worthwhile addition to any congregational library."-Church and Synagogue Library Association
"It is the candor of the stories that makes this an important resource for discussing intermarriage and conversion issues. This is not a book put together to show us how well things worked out once a decision was made to convert to Judaism or to create a Jewish household. It is obvious that conflicts often arise in interfaith marriages, even when one or both partners define themselves as "non-religious." It is also obvious that the pressure put on couples in these situations by their own families and clergy can be hurtful. Though in most cases the extended families came to accept the choices made by the couples involved, harm was done. This book makes us consider exactly what it is we mean when we talk about creating welcoming communities for interfaith families....Kaplan has helped us to see alternative, and, it is hoped more effective and more welcoming ways of responding to the challenges of intermarriage."-The Reconstructionist
"This book works like a support group, The reader doesn't get answers, but discovers many possibilities."-The Dallas Morning News/Connecticut Post/DallasNews.com
"Useful for intermarried couple and their parents is Kaplan's Interfaith Families; the author delivers more than 50 portraits of individuals and couples touched by intermarriage, and then steps out of the picture. "There were no experts who stepped in to comment on the material or to offer their interpretations," she writes....Kaplan's work provides a welcome opportunity to learn "the kinds of details only someone experiencing a situation firsthand could know."-Lilith
"[B]rings to life the subtleties and the process of ongoing familial negotiations behind dry intermarriage statistics....puts to rest the notion that intermarriage means the doubling of the Jewish community, rather than its destruction."-Jerusalem Post
"[I]nterfaith Families is a readable and useful reference tool for couples, their families and congregational support groups....[t]his is a worthwhile addition to any congregational library."-Church and Synagogue Library Association
"[T]his book works like a support group, The reader doesn't get answers, but discovers many possibilities."-The Dallas Morning News/Connecticut Post/DallasNews.com
"[U]seful for intermarried couple and their parents is Kaplan's Interfaith Families; the author delivers more than 50 portraits of individuals and couples touched by intermarriage, and then steps out of the picture. "There were no experts who stepped in to comment on the material or to offer their interpretations," she writes....Kaplan's work provides a welcome opportunity to learn "the kinds of details only someone experiencing a situation firsthand could know."-Lilith
"Couples in Jewish-Christian marriages describe their experiences. The book offers examples of the successes and failures, struggles and triumphs of such religiously mixed families."-Shofar
"Interfaith Families: Personal Stories of Jewish-Christian Intermarriage is not a

Author Bio

JANE KAPLAN has produced a number of programs for public television and has independently created various films and videos. Her programs have concentrated on topics such as sexual harassment, parenting, the Holocaust, and mental health.