Shattered Dreams--Lonely Choices: Birthparents of Babies with Disabilities Talk About Adoption

(Hardback)

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Dreams of pregnancy include the expectation that nine months of waiting will end with a joyous event. But, each year, a "shattered dream" occurs for thousands of couples who receive the news that their child will have a disabling condition severe enough that they may question if they are the best parents for their child. Societal expectation is that parents will raise their child or if the condition of the child is detected prenatally, abortion is offered as an alternative. Parents who explore other options face scrutiny and, sometimes, condemnation - "lonely choices". Joanne Finnegan shares her personal experience and that of several families she interviewed who, like herself, explored options other than raising their child with a disability. Parents express with candour the overwhelming pain they felt when receiving the news, the frustrations when searching for options, the "no-win" feeling of decision making, the resolve with a final decision, and finally, life after the decision. The book also addresses issues such as spiritual dilemmas and interactions with friends, family and the medical profession. Advice for new parents includes how to build support systems and gather information, how to search for an adoptive family, and the arrangment of communication between adoptive and birth parents. Interviews with adoptive parents, poetry and resource lists complete the book. Written to help other parents cope with the pain and loneliness of decision making, this book is intended as a resource for medical professionals, adoption and social workers, counsellors and spiritual advisors. It is designed to be helpful, therapeutic and to provide a lesson in managing life in all its forms. It deals with such points as receiving the news about the baby's condition and prognosis, and weighing up the factors involved in various decisions: Should the baby be taken home from the hospital If not home, then where Foster care, respite care, guardianship and other forms of substitute care are mentioned. The author also examines building a support network, decisions about finances and support services, family issues, adoptive families, finalising an adoption plan, living with the decision regrets, and future pregancies. The author, herself the mother of a child born with Down's syndrome, writes articles about the adoption of children with special needs. She also speaks to medical groups and actively participates in a nationwide telephone support network for parents, in the USA.

Reviews

"I love this much-needed book. It is informative, honest, extremely helpful, and hope-filled. The personal stories and wonderful poetry touch the heart. I will definitely recommend it."-Sharon Kaplan-Roszia Adoption Specialist Parenting Resources
"This book speaks with the voices of parents who have struggled through the darkness of despair, and now offer to parents, health professionals, and others an enormous insight into their pain. As a Genetic Counselor with over twenty years experience, I have seen that struggle many times and I respect the ability of families to appreciate their limits. This is a wonderful book to share with couples who face important decisions about their future."-Jodi Klein Rucquoi, M.S. Senior Genetic Associate, Department of Genetics Yale University School of Medicine

Author Bio

JOANNE FINNEGAN is a high school mathematics teacher who, because of her personal experience with a child born with Down syndrome, has written articles for magazines and journals about adoption of children with special needs. She speaks to medical groups about the adoption option, and actively participates in a nationwide telephone support network for parents who are considering this option. Ms. Finnegan lives in Essex Junction, Vermont with her husband and daughter.